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by Ishouldbestudying7



Category: Beetlejuice (1988), Beetlejuice - All Media Types, Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King
Genre: Adam is a dork, Adoptive Parents - Freeform, And they love their daughter, Beetlejuice Big Bang, Beetlejuice is the villian, F/M, Found Family, Not super bad I promise, barbara is a badass, movie universe, ships m/f but in an unmistakibly asexual/bisexual way
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:48:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23843269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ishouldbestudying7/pseuds/Ishouldbestudying7
Summary: Adam and Barbara have the afterlife they've always wanted. They have their house, their daughter and their peace. But when they see Lydia being attacked by a shadow demon on the front lawn one day, they charge out to save her, not caring that they've ended up in another dimension; the first of many they will have to go through. But when they find out that a vengeful Beetlejuice is behind the kidnapping of their daughter, they will have to use all their ghostly skills to get her back, before it's too late.
Relationships: Adam Maitland/Barbara Maitland, Lydia Deetz & Adam Maitland & Barbara Maitland
Comments: 7
Kudos: 18





	1. Never pass the perimeters of the Haunting Area

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This is my contribution to the Beetlejuice Big Bang! I am so very proud of this work and I hope that you all enjoy it! To see the art that accompanies this fic, please go to @cullendrawss on Tumblr (The art is literally so amazing please go look at it it makes me cry), and if you want to read this fic on Tumblr or see other works for the Big Bang, my tumblr is @untitled5071 , and the tumblr for this whole project is @beetlejuicebigbang. 
> 
> Happy reading!

Mornings in Winter River had always been quiet. 

The same routines played out day by day, steady as the sun that beat down on the roofs of the pure white buildings and constant as the cows in the fields, always in their same pen. Everything was quiet and serene, never changing, never disturbed.

But then that peace was shattered, along with the red bridge and the bodies of the couple contained in the yellow station wagon that had caused the damage.

The lives of Barbara and Adam Maitland were lost that day and the whole town was still in need of total repair. The bridge has been fixed and a memorial put up, and every resident of the town tried their best to keep their heads and their minds away from the grave reminder of those they had lost. 

Little did they know. 

Although the lives of Barbara and Adam had been lost in that crash, their souls were anything but. Their spirits remained confined in between the walls that had called ‘home’ in life, destined to spend a century and a half in their own ghostly company. And that suited the couple just fine; their love for each other was not nearly as fragile as their mortal bodies. However, fate had other plans for their secluded afterlife; plans that manifested in the form of the Deetz family. The few months that followed had completely turned the lives of the Deetzes and the un-lives of the Maitlands and completely upside down, thanks in part to their differing personalities and the presence of a certain self-proclaimed bio-exorcist. 

But life continued. Routines were established once more, and both families settled into their own kind of happy regularity. Delia and Charles had moved back to the city and decided to spend most of their time there, leaving the primary care of their daughter Lydia to the ghostly couple who loved her so much. This arrangement worked out very well for everyone. The Maitlands loved having a child to raise, the Deetzes loved being able to return to the high life of the city, and Lydia loved her new life with her undead adoptive parents and the constant welfare checks from her real parents in the city. 

So thus went the life of the Maitlands and Lydia. It was an incredibly happy and fairly normal one, with a normal day usually consisting of at least one haunting and lesson from the handbook. 

And it was a normal day just like all the others that caused all the fuss. 

Lydia pedaled her way home after school, smiling at the people she passed and moving carefully when she reached the bridge she had been warned over and over about until she eventually made her way up the hill to the lonely house she shared with Adam and Barbara. Moving her bike into the garage, she treaded up the stairs to the kitchen. Lydia could hear the sounds of moving upstairs and remembered that Barbara and Adam were working on re-papering the guest room today. Her eyes located a fresh cup of tea on the counter, which Barbara always made for her everyday after school, along with a plate of cookies. Lydia left her school bag on the kitchen table and did a little shimmy to the Harry Belefonte track she could hear playing from the record player in the hallway. Smiling, Lydia decided to announce her return to her spectral guardians. Taking the warm mug in her hands and munching on a still-warm cookie, Lydia made her way up to the second floor of their home. 

“Barbara, Adam! I’m home! How’s it going?”

“Lydia! Welcome back! How was school?”

Upon hearing Barbara’s answering call, Lydia made her way over to the guest room and smiled. Adam was against the far wall, possessing rolling brushes and sheaths of paper to wait for him to apply them to the wall. Ghostly powers or not, Adam still found no greater satisfaction than working with his own hands. Barbara was leaning over the paper itself, holding it up to the light and humming with the music. Both of them turned their heads and smiled at their daughter, leaving their work suspended in midair so they could both give her hugs. When they parted, Lydia took the opportunity to hop up onto the workbench in the corner to sip her tea and watch the proceedings. Adam spoke up first.

“So Lydia, how was the English essay? You didn’t freak the teacher out too much again, did you?”

“No, not this time. But he was asking for it when he asked us to analyze Macbeth. If he didn’t want a bloody essay then he shouldn’t have assigned a bloody book.”

Barbara chuckled. 

“I don’t think the red splatters on the paper were necessary, though.”

“Of course they were, Barbara. You just don’t understand my artistic vision.”

The two ghosts laughed and looked fondly at their daughter. 

“No, we don’t. But we support you anyway.”

The Maitlands decided that they had done enough work for the day and that it was now time to visit with Lydia. Taking her now-empty mug with him, Adam made his way downstairs as Barbara put the record away. Lydia moved her school bag over to the window seat. It was Friday, and therefore her homework would just have to be content to wait there until Sunday at the earliest. Barbara got started on dinner as Adam and Lydia poured over the most recent pictures Lydia had snapped of the town, mapping out details for new editions for the model. Barbara joined them after a while, leaving the pots and pans to take care of themselves as a hearty meal of pasta and garlic bread passed itself onto three plates. 

The night passed quietly, with the dishes cleaning themselves as Barbara and Adam read on seperate armchairs. Lydia entertained herself by taking pictures of the floating novels. The three of them tramped off to bed at their own paces, with Lydia going up first, followed by Barbara, and then Adam, who made sure the house was all shut down and secure, as a good father should. The living and the dead all settled down to sleep, another peaceful night enfolding them all like a starry blanket. 

However, that blanket was brutally ripped off around 3 A.M by the sound of a piercing scream. 

Barbara and Adam rocketed awake, gasping and looking around wildly. The scream was uncomfortably familiar to them, and both Barbara and Adam streaked out of their beds as fast as their non-tangible bodies would allow. Both of them screeched to a halt outside of Lydia’s bedroom and peered in.

And to their horror, her tiny frame was nowhere to be seen. 

Beginning to panic, Barbara and Adam raced to the windows to try to locate the source of the shriek, only to have their blood freeze even more in their veins as they saw their adopted daughter outside, struggling to fend off a shadowy demon that was flitting around her. 

Usually, going outside would give the Maitlands pause. The two of them had never been impulsive people, preferring to go over each decision with each other and their daughter and giving things time before committing to anything. 

But neither Barbara or Adam stopped to think as they flung themselves outside the front door with screams of rage and determination, only to promptly disappear into another plane of existence. The second they had vanished, the Lydia on the lawn and the demon disappeared entirely, as if they were nothing more than vapor. Simultaneously, the veil that had been placed over the real Lydia’s body vanished, revealing her to be safe in bed and blissfully unaware of the commotion that had caused her parents to rush outside just moments ago. As Barbara and Adam found themselves on a familiar yet foreign planet and Lydia rolled over peacefully in her sleep, a deep, malicious laugh rumbled softly over the hilltops. 

If only they knew about the trouble ahead. 


	2. Churches are not Ghost-Friendly places

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam And Barbara went through the wrong door. Oops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Both Adam and Barbara are Drama Queens and I love them
> 
> (P.S. Go look at @cullendrawss 's art for this scene on Tumblr! It's absolutely incredibleand you should totally check it out!)

Barbara and Adam face-planted into the yellow sand of Saturn's largest moon, a sensation that they were unfortunately very used to. However, their first concern had shifted from impending sandworms to the safety of their daughter, who they had last seen being harassed by some form of demon. 

Barbara immediately scrambled to her feet and whipped around, looking for the ghostly door that would take the home. Adam was not far behind her, grabbing his wife’s shoulders in reassurance and determination as he aided her in her search. In a moment of desperation, Barbara screamed, 

“Home, home, home!”

She and Adam both held their non-existent breaths and waited to be whisked back to the comfort of their own home, but only the wind of Saturn answered them; whipping their clothes and sending sand everywhere. Not wanting to waste time wondering why it didn’t work, Adam grabbed his wife’s arm.

“Maybe the door is behind that pillar right there. Come on, let’s go.”

Barbara nodded and set off sprinting, fighting her way through the dense sand as Adam kept his eye out for invading space snakes. They reached the edge of the pillar, but no door was in sight. They had begun to hear some low rumblings from beneath the dunes, but they paid them no mind. Their only thoughts were of getting back to their daughter and making sure that she was alright. 

The first sandworm showed up immediately after they checked behind the third pillar. 

It reared its double head and popped out from right behind Adam and snapped at his ankles, sand spraying everywhere. Both Maitlands whipped around, and Adam kicked out and bashed the sandworm in the nose.

“No! Bad Sandworm! We have to get back to Lydia!”

The sandworm shook its head and bared its teeth. This one clearly never encountered the Maitlands before, so it foolishly came in for another attack, only to be met by a snarl from a nightmarish version of Adam Maitland. 

His teeth were sharpened and his eyes glowed red, and his skull could be seen, illuminated with a red glow from beneath his skin. With a growl and a swipe with newly formed claws, Adam succeeded in driving the yelping sandworm away. He looked behind him to see where his wife had gone to, eyes still glowing and teeth still barred, and upon seeing her standing right behind him with a bemused look on her face, he immediately shifted back to normal, looking sheepish. 

“I, uh...maybe I went a bit overboard…”

Barbara rolled her eyes fondly and gave him a quick kiss.

“I can tell you’ve been practicing. Now come on, we still have to get home.”

Adam nodded and raced after his wife, both of them trying not to trip on sand and frequently having to wipe it out of their eyes. Barbara reached back and grabbed her husband’s hand, pulling him up to her level. They would have started levitating to avoid the sand entirely, but the gravity on Saturn’s moon had a strange effect on their gravity-defying powers, so they just resorted to running. They couldn’t see the door home anywhere, but they could hear the sound of more bold sandworms who were on their way to attack. 

It wasn’t long before three more sandworms burst through the surface, foolish in their hunger and ignorant to the power their desired meals held. 

Standing back to back, Barbara and Adam narrowed their eyes and prepared for what would inevitably be a short battle. Both of them shifted into horrifying, twisted forms and slashed and growled at every sandworm that came close. Barbara let out a hellish scream and managed to drive away the first one, and Adam’s claws left a warning gash on the side of another. When only one remained, all Barbara had to do was stare at it and go, 

“Boo.”

The sandworm dove away, yelping, leaving both Maitlands to continue their search, both too worried about getting home to shift back to normal. They were growing more and more desperate with every expanse of empty desert they came across, until eventually Barbara all but collapsed into Adam’s arms.

“Oh, Adam. I don’t know where the door is! Lydia needs us, and we’re stuck here!”

“I know, Barbara. But we have to keep looking, I’m sure it’ll-oh!”

Adam pointed with a claw over the ridge of a large dune, where a large door had suddenly appeared. The Maitlands looked at each other in shock for a beat, and then both stood and began to sprint towards the new exit. Barbara reached it first and launched herself off of the top of the dune, grabbing onto the door frame for stability and reaching her hand out. Adam jumped off the dune and scrambled to reach the door, grabbing Barbara’s hand and using her for balance. Adam turned the handle, and both of them charged through the door together. It dumped them a few feet above floor level, which meant that both of them did the natural thing and decided to levitate, looking around with glowing eyes and nightmarish faces.

However, it was not the comfortable and cozy Victorian house that they ended up in, but a drafty, cold church in the middle of a sermon. 

To say people screamed would be an understatement. 

Barbara and Adam blinked in surprise and wondered what all the commotion was about. They looked at each other, and upon seeing their temporarily twisted features, they both remembered that normal people were not as calm about their ghostly powers as they were. They both immediately shifted back to normal and decided to see what all the fuss was about. 

Seeing the two demonic figures floating in the front of their church take on human form did nothing to reassure the hysterical churchgoers. Most of the choir had long since fainted and parents were trying desperately to get their curiously fearless children to stop staring. The priest was positively livid and was screaming in a foreign language while brandishing a cross at both of them. 

Adam and Barbara, however, were unbothered. 

“Darling, I don’t think they speak English. How do we tell them that we’re only passing through?”

“I’m not sure, Adam. I believe our best bet would be to just try to find their way out of here and let them pretend they’re doing something.”

Barbara looked at the priest while Adam looked for their door out. Usually, doors in between ghostly dimensions weren’t visible to human eyes, so he just went along his merry way, floating lazily through the back wall to look for said door while Barbara was left to ham it up. She threw her hands up lazily as the priest began to read furiously from the bible and repeatedly shoved the crucifix in her face. 

“Oh no, I’m...I’m melting! Oh how the power of Christ compels me!”

Barbara was barely holding back her own giggles as she made her arms appear all droopy and reaching towards the sky as if for mercy. The church goers were all yelling now, the adults in agreement toward the ‘exorcism’ and the children yelling at the adults to leave the nice spooky lady alone. Barbara was loving it. 

“Oh, what a cruel way to end my afterlife! My only regret was that I didn’t spend more time haunting innocent people and terrorizing clergy members! Oh, what a worl-”

“Barbara, dear? I’ve found the door. Do you want to continue going for the Oscar or shall we go see our daughter?”

Barbara froze, hand dramatically placed on her forehead and body still dripping slightly. Her eyes shifted over to her husband, whose smile was ridiculously wide as his top half poked through the wall he had exited through. The clergy continued to scream anew as Barbara recomposed herself and floated over to where he was. She kissed him lightly.

“Yes, I’m done. Let’s go home.”

And with one final wave to the church members, the two ghosts floated through the wall and to the next door, stepping through it hand in hand on their way back to their daughter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, please comment and let me know what you think!


	3. Never violate another Ghost's Lair without their permission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barbara and Adam still aren't home, but they seem to have found themselves in a tricky situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for more ghostly shenanigans!

Barbara and Adam kept their eyes screwed shut while they passed through the door. They made sure their feet were firmly on the ground as they clutched each other close, listening for anything that would indicate that the dimension they had just entered was not their own. They waited with baited breath, and after about a minute of nothing, Adam exhaled slowly. Both of their eyes were still shut.

“Barbara, I think we-”

_ BONG, BONG, BONG _

Both Maitlands screamed in surprise, eyes shooting open. Barbara was so alarmed that she rocketed almost six feet into the air, and Adam reached his arm out at the last second to grab her ankle to keep her from going any higher. He pulled his wife back to earth and grabbed her hands tightly, and the two of them began to examine their surroundings. Instead of the cozy familiarity of the home they were beginning to miss so desperately, they seemed to be in the interior of a gigantic clocktower. There were giant gears turning methodically, grooves and notches aligning and parting with perfect regularity. If Adam and Barbara didn’t mutilate and reshape their bodies on a regular basis, they might have been mildly worried about being crushed in between the gear pegs. They could see the back of the large clock face, and both of them cocked their heads to the side so they could read the time. 

3:15 p.m, apparently, judging by the bright light shining through the elaborate decorations on the clock face. It was early morning then they had left the house, but because of the time dilation in the Neitherworld, they had no idea if they had left Lydia hours ago or months ago. Just the thought of their beloved daughter alone in their home caused a horrible metaphorical rock to settle in the pit of both Maitland’s stomachs. Barbara groaned softly and pressed herself into Adam, who stroked her hair reassuringly. 

“It’s okay, Barbara. We’ll get back to her. We’re ghosts, after all. Our door has to be around here somewhere, if we could just-”

“Door? Ghosts?”

Barbara’s curls brushed Adam’s cheek as the two of them whipped their heads around to see who had just spoken. In the corner by the exit staircase stood a scared looking woman, wrapped in an incredibly faded dress that she held close to her body. Upon closer inspection, Barbara could see that one side of the dress was torn and shredded, almost like it had gotten caught in something. 

Oh. 

She was looking at the Maitlands with an absolutely horrified expression, like she hadn’t seen any other people in decades. Which they supposed she hadn’t, but they were still a little wounded by the fear in her eyes. It was almost animalistic; the way she would bristle at even their slightest movement or the way her eyes kept darting to every conceivable exit or hiding place. Clearing her throat as softly as possible, Barbara took the tiniest step forward. 

“Hello? My name is Barbara, and this is Adam. We’re just passing through, so we’ll be out of your way soon..”

“You shouldn’t be here.”

Her voice was meek and raspy, like she hadn’t used it for anything other than screaming in decades. Barbara gave a wary, small smile and took the smallest step forward possible. 

“We know we’re not, honey. But if you could please just help us out of here…”

“Get out.”

The voice was barely a whisper, easily covered up by the grinding of the gears and the settling of the clock hands. Adam took a step forward to match Barbara, his hands on his wife’s arm.

“What, dear?”

“GET OUT!”

The ghost exploded in rage, eyes flashing fire and the torn hem of her dress whipping around her calves. She lifted into the air as her body shifted into a grotesque caricature, one that certainly would have terrified a normal human. 

Barbara and Adam had seen worse, but that didn't mean they weren't immediately put on their guard. 

She lunged at Adam, who dove through one of the gears and landed on the other side. Barbara darted to him, standing side by side with her husband. They didn't know whether to engage or not; they knew this was probably just a primal fear, and they honestly weren't looking for a fight. They just wanted to go home. They decided to avoid further conflict until a way out made itself apparent, which was proving to be harder than it looked. The ghost came screaming after them, eyes flaring and enough anger in her snarl to turn their already-still blood cold. They ran to the other side of the clocktower together and only split up when the angry apparition threatened to charge in between them. They always seemed to do better as a pair, anyway. 

They shared a brief second of eye contact and made the same decision at the same time. Taking each other’s hands, they raced towards the face of the clock, intending to sail through the enormous surface and into the air outside, where hopefully the door would be waiting. 

And they almost made it, too. 

Just before they made it through the glass, an invisible force yanked them both back, causing them to cry out and land flat on their backs. They groaned in confusion and tried to reach for each other, but one look from the still fuming ghost now hovering over them immobilized them once more. They looked up at her, not quite knowing what was going on. The fire in her eyes died down just a bit when she saw how helpless they were, but she still did not lose the horrible visage she had taken on. Her gaping lack mouth opened and a harsh rasp came out in place of her usual meek whisper. 

_ “You shouldn’t have come here.” _

Adam and Barbara, powerless to move, just looked at her. She continued. 

_ “You entered my lair without my permission. You stole my peace away. I cherish my peace. Now I get to deal with you how I like.” _

Adam and Barbara’s eyes widened simultaneously, and they looked at each other. Of course. 

Turning back to the ghost lady, Barbara summoned all her strength and concentrated it into freeing her voice from the containment spell. 

“P-please…...let u-us go and…..we’ll l-leave you...alone...we promise..”

Adam looked at his wife and tried to nod his head in agreement. Pooling all of his own strength, he reached out and just managed to brush his hand with hers. Barbara seemed to draw strength from his touch and her voice sounded again, stronger now;

“Please. We need to get back to our daughter...our Lydia…”

The ghost seemed to have enough of their chatter and prepared herself to flare up once more. After all, they had invaded her lair, her safe and silent space and by creed, they had to pay. However…

She looked at them lying there, immobile yet fighting all odds just to look at each other and graze each other’s skin. She had been in the tower for…..a long time. But she could almost remember the feel of warmth, the desire to see herself in the reflection of someone’s eyes...

Barbara and Adam suddenly burst to life, reaching for each other and clutching each other close. The ghost looked at them and slowly, slowly shifted back to normal, almost as if she was deflating. The Maitlands looked at her and nodded in thanks. She waved them off with a hand and turned away, walking through a gear and promptly disappearing with a final word. 

“Leave.”

Adam gave a little salute and stood, taking Barbara’s hand. 

“Yes ma’am.”

Smiling at each other, the two married spirits leaped through the face of the clock and into the sky outside, trusting the weightlessness that comes with death to keep them from plummeting. And indeed, they simply floated about a hundred and fifty feet above the busy street below. They embraced once more, enjoying their freedom of motion outside of the gaze of a possessive ghost. They parted and Adam looked at Barbara. 

“What happened in there, was that…?”

“Yeah. It was.”

In unison, they smiled.

“We have to tell Lydia.”

They laughed together before coming in for a quick, sweet kiss. Then Barbara pulled away, patted Adam’s chest and took his hand.

“Come on, we have to get back to her to find her.”

Looking around, her eyes lit up. 

“And I just found our exit. Come on, darling. Third time’s a charm.” 

Behind Adam’s head floated a great oak door that was almost shining in the light. Both Maitland’s eyes lit up and they sped towards it, so excited to go home that they barely noticed that the wood of the door was wet when they threw it open and barrel into it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment!


	4. Walking over the graves of others is considered rude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lydia wakes up without her parents, and it takes her a minute to get worried. But they she knows they can handle themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lydia time! She's babey and she loves her parents. Enjoy this chapter from her perspective!

Lydia awoke with a start, but didn’t open her eyes until her heart rate slowed. She hated it when her body betrayed her usually cool stature. She took pride in being mostly unfrightenable. Obviously some occasions did manage to strike something in her heart, but usually she was cool and unbothered, almost as if she was surrounded by the stuff of nightmares daily. 

Which she was. 

Possession was a treat to her, and she thought breakfast was a dull affair if she wasn’t served pancakes by a headless corpse while Adam’s severed and bloody head smiled at her from the counter. Lydia relished in the quirks of the afterlife, and more than that she adored the people who surrounded her in it. She loved her father and she was warming up to Delia, sure. But the Maitlands….

Adam and Barbara were everything Lydia had ever asked for. What started out as a tentative friendship between the living and the dead had turned into the ideal family situations for the parties on both sides of the great divide. The Maitlands got the child they had always wanted, and Lydia got the parents that she always deserved but was too scared to ask for. The ghost stuff was just an added bonus. 

Lydia smiled at the thoughts of the ghostly shenanigans that the day would bring and finally roused herself out of bed. She gave herself a once-over in the mirror and fluffed up her bedhead to an almost ludicrous volume. She straightened her long black nightgown and pulled on a similarly black bathrobe, with long sleeves that resembled bat wings. 

Oh, she loved being goth. 

Tramping her way down the stairs, she hummed a little calypso tune to herself as she made her way into the kitchen. Her brain first registered the ghost’s absence when she saw no sign of-for lack of a better word- _ life  _ in the kitchen. No mugs of tea, no dirty dishes, not even a stray piece of cereal on the table. However, the red flag was so small it got blown away by the smallest breeze. They were probably just sleeping in, sometimes they lost track of time when they dozed off. It was a ghost thing, apparently; time blended differently. 

So she shrugged her shoulders, pulled out a box of Cheerios and made herself breakfast. She finished quickly and put her dishes away. She loved Barbara and knew that she would be forgiven for leaving a dish on the counter, but she never liked to make her ghost mom do something that she could easily do herself. 

She made her way back up the stairs and got dressed, and passed Adam and Barbara’s room on the way back down, She paused briefly and tried to listen for the sounds of their airless breathing through the closed door, but she soon gave up, deciding that they must have entered the ‘deep sleep’ stage that ghosts enter that mirrored the deep sleep stage of the living. However, whereas human’s breathing just slowed, ghost’s breathing just ceased altogether. 

Shrugging and pushing down that weird twang in the back of her mind, Lydia went downstairs and settled on the window seat, letting the bashful early afternoon rays settle on her face as she flipped through the  _ Handbook for the Recently Deceased _ . She and the Maitlands have been taking daily ghost lessons from it together for months, with Lydia explaining the more technical terms that the Maitlands were too flustered to understand and the Maitlands providing Lydia with entertainment as they practiced their new skills. Their powers had come along very well, to the point where they had advanced to the level of ghosts who had been dead for centuries, as opposed to the Maitland’s year and a half. 

Even though Lydia found the  _ Handbook _ to be frightfully interesting, even she couldn’t help but nod off slowly, lulled by the warmth of the sun, the sound of the cuckoo clock and the monotonous drone of the  _ Handbook’s _ dialect. Her eyes slid in and out of focus until she eventually let her senses leave her, and she drifted off. 

*******

When she came to, she was immediately aware of the deafening silence surrounding her. She apparently wasted a better part of the day sleeping, since the sky had turned a brilliant red in sunset. Rubbing her eyes and closing the  _ Handbook _ , she stood up and decided to add some noise to the atmosphere. 

“Barbara? Adam?”

She waited a moment, hoping for any sounds of movement. Even if Adam and Barbara were in Deep Sleep, they usually woke up the second Lydia called their names. They seemed to be able to sense when she needed them, which she definitely did now. The sky was darkening rapidly and the lack of Barbara’s florals and Adam’s flannel were making her a little uneasy. She turned on the hallway lamp, but only succeeded in throwing different and warped shadows across the room. Swallowing, she tried again.

“Adam? Barbara?”

Still nothing. The red flags were larger now. They  _ always _ appeared when she called them. She tried again, hating how her voice broke for just a second. 

“Mom? Dad?”

Nada. 

Lydia’s sense of disease threatened to consume her. Deciding to try and be rash, Lydia went upstairs and knocked on their bedroom door before entering. Upon seeing their quilt askance and their pillows abandoned on the floor, Lydia deduced that they had not, in fact, had a peaceful night that would have resulted in a deep sleep. Moving a little faster now, she jogged up the stairs to the attic and flung open the door. The model was the same as the day before, and even Adam’s tools and the unfinished post office remained untouched. She raced over to the brick wall, where a faint chalk outline of the door still remained. However, there was no indication there that Adam and Barbara had gone to the Neitherworld. They had promised that they would always leave a note whenever they took a trip to the other side, but there was no such token now. 

Lydia ran her hand through her hair and took a deep breath, letting absolutely all the air leave her lungs before refilling them. Barbara had taught her that one, and she repeated the action until she felt a bit calmer. 

Calm enough to make a phone call, at least. 

She made her way down to the kitchen after making a quick pit-stop in her room to grab a sweater. It was a worn and faded maroon, two sizes too big, and one of Adam’s. She pulled it over her head as she went down the stairs, bunching the sleeves up in her palms to give herself something to squeeze. She walked over to the phone on the wall and picked up the receiver. She dialed a number so familiar that she didn’t even have to look at the numbers, and she pulled the collar of the sweater up to her chin and inhaled the incredibly faded scent of pine, wood paint and Barbara’s perfume. The phone rang thrice before a man’s voice answered on the other end of the line.

“Pumpkin?”

Lydia let out a relieved breath at the sound of Charles’ voice. Her dad wasn’t always the most attentive, but at least he was there right now. 

Well, in New York, but still. 

Lydia took a breath and answered her father. 

“Hey, Dad. How are you guys?”

Charles’ tone picked up considerably and Lydia could hear Delia moving around in the background, humming off-key. 

“Oh, everything’s fine, Pumpkin. Delia started work on a new sculpture, so you know how she gets around this time. And I’m still making money. Those new breathing techniques are working like a charm on my nerves.”

Lydia smiled as she heard her father recount the mundanities of everyday life. She zoned out a bit, meaning that Charles had to clear his throat three times to bring her back to reality. 

“Pumpkin? Lydia?”

“Huh? Yeah, Dad?”

“I asked you how things are doing over there. How are the Maitlands?”

Lydia blinked and breathed deeply. Her voice was muffled slightly by the sweater. 

“Actually Dad, that’s what I called you about. The Maitlands are….kinda missing. I’ve looked everywhere, I’ve called them, nothing. They’re usually at my side within five minutes of me calling; they can tell when I need them. I don’t know where they are and they’ve been gone all day. I’m worried.”

She could hear Charles take a breath as he thought about it. Even Charles knew how deep his daughter’s bond with the Maitlands ran, and even he could tell that something wasn’t right. The Maitlands always put Lydia first, so it seemed so odd for them to just leave without letting her know what was going on. Apparently even Delia could sense something amiss, and Lydia heard her move closer to the receiver so she could hear what was going on. 

“Well Pumpkin, I know this is unusual. And you must be really worried if you decided to call me. But all I can tell you is that they’ll be back. The Maitlands love you like their own, I’ve seen it. The same people who fought an ancient demon to save you wouldn’t just leave. They would fight tooth and nail to get to you, Lydia. I’m sure whatever it is, they’ll be back soon. They’ll always come for you.”

Lydia took a shaky breath and nodded. Her father’s words had truth to them, Lydia could tell. She couldn’t help but worry though, and she told him so. Her two New York bound parents thought for a second, but surprisingly Delia was the first to reply.

“Well, if you really want to contact them, why don’t you wait until morning? If they haven’t shown up by then, you can go down to the cemetery and do that telepathy thing you guys do. That usually works, right?”

Lydia’s face lit up, and she smiled. Of course. She felt stupid for not thinking of it before. Careful to not let too much of her relief flood into her voice, she decided to wrap up the call. 

“Yeah, that’s not a bad idea. I’ll do that. Thanks, guys. I should get going. Talk to you later, I love you guys.”

After exchanging goodbyes with the both of them, she hung up. After a mediocre dinner of toast and a granola bar, she attempted to distract herself by reading one of the classic Victorian books Barbara lent her before realizing that she was only filing to distract herself. Eventually, she settled into a fitful sleep, filled with the chiming of clocks and the splash of seawater. 

*******

Lydia’s morning went by quickly. After a quick sweep of the house and a bit more calling out of the deceased’s names, Lydia deduced that her ghost parents had not yet returned. After a quick breakfast of another granola bar and an apple (Barbara wouldn’t have approved of her searching for them on an empty stomach), Lydia hopped onto her bike and all but raced down the hill and into the center of town.

She skidded to a halt outside of the wrought iron gate of the graveyard, kicking up dust and gravel and utterly ignoring the shocked looks of the early-morning bustlers. Sliding her way into the cemetery, Lydia wove through headstones and tombs, until she came to a stop in between two of the freshest graves there, the immaculate and flower-adorned tombstones branded with the names of the two people she cared for most. Kneeling, she pressed a hand to the earth on top of each grave and closed her eyes, the words  _ Adam and Barbara Maitland  _ repeating over and over in her mind. She pictured Barbara’s curls and her dimpled smile, and she pictured Adam’s glasses and his shy eyes. 

All of a sudden, noise and sensation burst through her mind. The sound of a scuffle ripped through her mind, only to be permeated by two different voices saying the same thing at the same time. 

_ “Lydia!” _

Lydia breathed out a shaky sigh and had to choke back a relieved sob. Apparently she wasn’t the only one, since she could practically feel Adam and Barbara’s minds relax at the feeling of their connection. 

This was something they had discovered together only a few months prior. Adam and Barbara always claimed that they could ‘feel’ people walking over their grave, and they sometimes claimed that they could tell when people were thinking of them, describing both sensations as a buzzing in the skull. And, after reading a passage about telepathic communication in the Handbook, it was only a manner of time before Lydia figured out how to communicate with them via their graves and a bit of thought. Any conversations they had took place entirely in the mind, meaning that no townsfolk would call a psychologist on Lydia for talking to herself. She usually used this method of communication to tell the Maitlands when she was on her way back from school, or to ask them how long their Neitherworld appointments would take, since it worked in both realms. 

And now, this little trick seemed like a godsend to both parties. 

Barbara’s thoughts rang through Lydia’s mind, and despite Barbara’s relieved tone, Lydia could almost hear what sounded like a fight coming from the other side.

_ “Lydia, thank goodness! Are you okay?” _

Lydia scrunched up her forehead in confusion. 

_ “Yeah, of course I’m alright. Why wouldn’t I be?” _

Adam’s voice made itself known. 

_ “Well, we saw you being attacked by shadow demons in the middle of the night. We charged out to rescue you, but since we left the porch _ \- Get him, Barbara! - _ we got sent to Saturn _ \- hey!-  _ and every door we try _ \- oof!-  _ to get back through leads us somewhere else that isn’t home _ .”

Adam’s stream of thought was permeated by the sounds of what Lydia was now sure was an epic battle happening on the other side, and Lydia could swear that Adam’s speaking voice sounded murky, like it was underwater. 

_ “What’s going on over there?” _

Both Maitlands took a second to answer, and Lydia could hear the sound of grunting and underwater shouting and what sounded suspiciously like swords clashing in the background of the Maitland’s thoughts. When Barbara answered, she sounded like she was in the middle of both dodging and dolling out blows to unknown enemies. 

_ “Well darling, we seem to have found ourselves in the middle of a ghost ship. We tried to invoke the right of Parley but they decided to fight instead. It’s a good thing I did sabre in high school.” _

If she strained her attention, Lydia could hear Barbara slashing what she could now identify as a sword through the chests of her underwater scallywag foes while Adam cheered her on in the background. She could almost imagine Barbara in a flowy white shirt and her hair tied, sword in hand and eyes wild. It almost made her giggle. 

In the relief that followed Lydia’s contact and everyone’s confirmation that they were okay, both parties had totally forgotten about the reason the Maitlands had charged off the porch in the first place. 

Lydia allowed herself to sigh and listened to her parents fight their way through long-dead pirates for a moment more before interjecting when there appeared to be a lull in the fight. 

_ “Well, I’m so glad you guys are alright. I was really worried. Any idea when you’ll be home?” _

_ “I’ll answer since Barbara’s a little _ \- THAT’S MY WIFE! GET EM’, BABE! - _ busy at the moment” _

Lydia laughed. 

_ “We don’t know, Lyds. We can never tell how long we’re in the Neitherworld and...how long have we been gone?” _

_ “A day and a half” _

_ “God, it only feels like an hour. Okay. We don’t know, it depends on how many of these doors are dead ends like this one. We’ll get to you as soon as possible, though.” _

Barbara interjected, still fighting her unbeating heart out.

_ “We miss you, darling, and we’re sorry we’ve been gone so long! We really didn’t _ \- Some pirate you are, if you can’t take a punch! -  _ we really didn’t want to be away from you at all. We’re working our way back to you, don’t worry. We’ll be with you again soon-  _ IF I HAVE TO FIGHT THROUGH EVERY LAST PIRATE TO DO IT!”

Barbara ended her statement in a roar, giving a hearty battle cry as she continued to make the pirates understand the meaning of the word ‘fear’. Adam shouted more encouragement at his wife and returned his attention back to his mental conversation with Lydia. 

_ “We’ll get back to you as soon as possible. You know how to carry on without us, maybe go to a friend’s house or something. If we’re not back in a week, go up to your parent’s house and we’ll call you when we get out of this other dimension. Okay?” _

_ “Okay.” _

This was their usual plan for situations like this. The fact that they were falling back on old patterns made Lydia feel much better. She knew her ghost parents could handle anything the Neitherworld threw at them, especially with their new training. Smiling, she decided to let them focus on the fight. 

_ “Okay. I’m glad you too are safe. I’m going to go home and settle in now. Keep fighting, those pirates won’t know what hit them. Er, stabbed them. I love you guys. A lot. Come home soon.” _

She could feel the love swell up in both of their minds, and she absorbed it like a flower absorbs the sun. Once again, both of their mental voices aligned as they said, 

_ “We love you too, Lydia. We promise”. _

Lydia smiled, pulled her hands from their graves, and listened to the sounds of the ghost pirate fight fade slowly from her mind before heading home. 

********

Lydia parked her bike in the garage and climbed the steps to the kitchen, feeling much better than she had before she left. Knowing that her parents were mostly alright had comforted her a great deal, and she knew they would be fine. 

Those poor pirates didn’t stand a chance against the pure might of Barbara Maitland. 

Smiling to herself, Lydia began to make a cup of tea. She hummed a tune to herself as she bustled around the kitchen, content to wait for her parents now that she knew that they were trying to come back. 

She was so happy that she didn’t even notice the real shadow demon sneak up behind her and grab her from behind. 

Her scream ripped through the old country house as the shadow dragged her into the darkness, and it continued to ring even after she was gone. 

There was no one to charge after her this time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment and tell me what you think of this chapter!


	5. The Living are Usually Frightened of the Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barbara goes on a little adventure and can't resist righting some historical wrongs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Barbara is an Mega Badass and I love her with all my heart

The Maitlands had to admit, they thought the ghost pirates would be a much bigger problem than they were. 

Thanks to Barbara’s uncanny ability to manifest weapons out of thin air and use them like an expert and Adam’s hypeman skills, the two of them had made short work of the vicious buccaneers after they had asked permission to board their ship and promptly been attacked.

They had been ridiculously relieved to feel the initial indication of Lydia at their graves, and even more ecstatic to hear her voice ringing out in their minds. They were so happy that she was safe that they had completely forgotten that there was ever a time that she was in danger, and their goal went from saving her to reuniting with her. 

So that’s how the two of them found themselves floating through the ocean, enjoying the sights of the deep sea while they looked for their door out. 

Being dead certainly had its advantages, like not needing to breathe and not being affected by tremendous water pressure. 

Adam and Barbara swam, er, floated through the water, hand in hand as they searched. They passed numerous schools of fish and a lovely coral reef before they paused. Adam turned to Barbara and pulled her in, taking a moment to just relish in her presence. Barbara did the same, resting her head in the nape of his neck and placing a light kiss there. Adam stroked her curls, eyes taking in the sheer, vast expanse of blue around them. Chuckling lightly to himself, he pulled away from her a little bit and kissed her, ignoring the taste of salt. They parted, and Adam placed another little peck on her forehead. 

“You, my dear, are a total badass”. 

Barbara giggled, her sword manifesting in her hand once more. She swished it around a bit, then let it disappear. 

“What can I say, I work my best when I have you by my side.”

She looked around, her eyes catching on something in the reef just over Adam’s right shoulder. She smiled and gave her husband a quick kiss. 

“I may be a badass, my love, but you are still as blind as ever. Look behind you.”

Adam turned around, and Barbara saw his eyes widen when he saw the worn-out door nestled in between two rocks. Taking each other’s hands again, they both swam forwards, stopping just before the door. Adam grabbed the handle and swung the door open, bowing slightly and extending his arm with a grin. 

“After you, my lady.”

Barbara giggled and kissed his outstretched hand, giving a mock curtsey. 

“Thank you, sir. See you on the other side.”

And with a smile, Barbara stepped through the door and disappeared from Adam’s view. He took a second to adjust his glasses, and in that brief moment he failed to notice that the door completely changed under his fingertips, going from worn and poor to well-crafted and elaborate. Completely oblivious, Adam stepped through the door himself, letting it slowly close behind him with an air of finality. 

**********

The first thing Barbara knew was that she was falling. 

This would have been alarming for her, if she wasn’t already dead. She merely began to fly, stopping her descent and deciding to get a good look at her surroundings from a few hundred feet in the air. 

The second thing she knew was that she was still not in Winter River. 

There were way too many trees, and the few houses she could see from her vantage point looked run-down and rustic, almost primitive. And if she squinted, she could see a dark blue stretch on the horizon, which she recognized as an ocean. So she was definitely not home.

The third thing she knew was that her beloved husband was nowhere to be found. 

Barbara twisted in the air just in time to see the door she had gone through disappear with no trace of Adam, and a sinking feeling settled in her chest as her body physically lowered a bit in the air to match. She wasn’t going to let herself panic; she was sure that Adam was somewhere else in the Neitherworld, and she was sure that he could handle himself. He may act shy and bashful, but he had power that equaled her own, he was just less likely to use it. 

She swallowed, and decided to land. She needed to get her bearings. Taking a deep breath, she started to lower herself through the tree line. Adam would be okay, she knew it. Lydia would also be okay; she knew what to do if her parents were in the Neitherworld too long. Barbara smiled lightly, imagining Lydia curled up peacefully in Charles and Delia’s apartment; waiting for the call that told her that it was safe to come back to Winter River. Maybe Adam had made it home, and maybe the two of them were waiting for her to make her way back to them. 

And make her way back she shall. 

Barbara touched down lightly in the middle of a deep forest, right on the edge of the village. She was still generally hidden from view, even without the natural ghostly invisibility. Still not wanting to risk anything, Barbara decided to levitate just a few inches off the ground as to not accidentally snap any twigs.

She crept closer to the village, peering out from the trees in an attempt to see without being seen. Villagers bustled about, the women dressed in black dresses and white aprons and the men dressed in a similar manner. They seemed incredibly proper and stiff, greeting each other with words like ‘goodman’ and crossing themselves more often than Barbara deemed necessary. They reminded Barbara of a picture she saw out of a history textbook. She had a sneaking suspicion she knew where and when she was, but didn’t want to make assumptions yet. 

She needed to do some recon. 

Barbara decided that it would be best to blend in to the natives; she wasn’t sure that her favorite floral dress would be the best thing to be seen in, on the off chance that the villagers were ‘strange and unusual’ enough to see her. She closed her eyes momentarily, and when she opened them again her light pink outfit was replaced with the plain black garb of the villagers. Barbara tugged at her collar, immediately feeling suffocated and tight. 

The sooner she could find that door, the better.

Timidly, she stepped out of the woods and tried to give the villagers as wide a berth as she could. She had no idea if they could see her or not, but she didn’t want to risk it. These people would already be on edge for unusual and unexplainable activity, and she didn’t need that kind of exposure.

She took to creeping around, sticking her head through doors when she thought no one was looking in case it was her door out. She tried her best to avoid the townsfolk, not knowing how they would react to a stranger in their midst. However, her main concern was always getting back to her husband and daughter, whichever she ran into first. 

She was so focused on her desire to go home that she failed to notice the townspeople pointing fingers at her and whispering. 

She had been searching for about fifteen minutes when she came to the front of the village, right in front of a giant sign proclaiming the town name. Barbara shook her head and tutted. 

“Salem, Massachusetts. I knew it. I better get out of here before this goes south.”

Barbara prepared to leap into the air, determining that it would be easier to look for a ghostly door from a ghostly vantage point. Before she could lift off, however, a voice sounded behind her, and Barbara had to physically hold herself back from levitating in surprise. She turned around quickly and was met with the sight of a very stern-looking man wearing a clerical collar while other Salem townsfolk surrounded her in a tight circle. The priest spoke, voice grave and accusing. 

“Why dost thou come here, unknown woman? You have never been seen in the village before.”

Barbara looked around her. A normal woman would be filled with fear at this point, probably looking around her like a caged animal. 

But Barbara was not a normal woman. 

She had faced demons, ridden sandworms, ripped off her own face and had essentially looked death in the face and laughed. These poor, ignorant people posed no threat to her whatsoever. She knew all it would take is a quick disappearing act and a bit of flight and she would be miles away from them before they could blink. However, she thought back to her days in high school history, and how horrified she had been that so many innocent people were victimized by superstition and stupid men. She looked at the steely face of the priest, his grey eyes still bearing down on her as if she were lowly and disgusting. And she made a decision. 

Salem was going to learn a lesson about messing with the supernatural. 

Instead of using her powers to simply escape, Barbara made sure to appear solid and frightened, scrounging to come up with an excuse that would meet the priest’s scrutiny. 

“I uh….was just passing through?”

For a little effect and to make sure her point was driven home, Barbara made one of her fingertips ignite very briefly, so only the priest saw. She could tell her mission was a success when his eyes widened and he gave a small, jerky nod to the other men in the circle. In a flash, they grabbed her arms and began to drag her along towards the musty building they were holding the supposed ‘witches’ until their trial. Barbara kicked and flailed and cried out, which is what she had to do to keep from bursting into slightly malicious laughter. 

They had no idea what was in store for them.

*********

Waiting for the trial had been one of the most tedious things Barbara had ever experienced. 

Apparently she was put on high priority because of her little finger candle trick, but waiting was still mind-numbingly boring. It had evidently been a slow week for the witch hunters, since Barbara was the only one in the cell. All the better, too. She could be her ghostly self and scheme without having to worry about any of the other unfortunate girls. Not that she would have minded the company, but she knew her motherly instincts would have kicked in very quickly and she would have been using all her planning time comforting them. 

Eventually, she was roughly escorted from her cell by the blacksmith of the town into a small church, which had been converted into a courtroom for the very occasion. 

Barbara felt slightly honored. 

She was escorted to the front and had her hands tied as she listened to the priest/judge ramble on and on about the sin involved with witchcraft and how the trial worked. She rolled her eyes. 

_ “Just you wait” _ , she thought. _ “Witchcraft is nothing compared to ghosts, buddy.” _

The priest then began to call up witnesses, all of whom had a mix of stories to tell. A majority of them were completely false and placed Barbara as being in the town as much earlier than she actually was, apparently conversing with animals and avoiding the church. She tuned these out, instead deciding to let her mind wander to Adam and Lydia and how much they would love this story when she eventually got to tell it to them. 

More witnesses came up, and some of them had actual factual accounts of strange things Barbara had done since arriving. One burly man said he had seen her floating a few inches above the ground, and a nearly hysterical woman swore up and down that she had seen Barbara walk through a door, in her search for the one that would lead her home. Apparently she hadn’t been as sneaky as she had thought. 

Oops. 

Eventually, the trial wound to a close and the priest turned to Barbara to administer the final test. 

“Now, wretched, unknown woman, if thee be not an advocate of Satan, recite the Lord’s Prayer.”

Barbara remembered this part, and her rage rekindled anew. Even this test was unfair, and she knew that even if she recited it correctly they wouldn’t let her go free.

So she decided to go all the way.

“Our Juno, who art in the Waiting Room…”

She had to stifle her laughter as the people in the courtroom screamed, both in horror and accusation. They had no idea what she was saying but they knew it wasn’t the right thing. She hid her grin as the priest officially declared her a witch and sentenced her to burning at the stake. 

Perfect, that was the one she was hoping to get.

She was dragged back into her cell as they prepared her messed-up funeral pyre, leaving her to polish off her plan. Two gruff looking men came to retrieve her soon enough, and Barbara decided to lay it on thick again and hang her head, giving soft sobs every one in a while as she was led to what usually would mean certain doom.

Usually. 

She was tied to a roughly chopped log that was hammered into the ground, which in turn was surrounded by a rather large pile of smaller logs that she knew would soon be set ablaze. She continued to sob silently, occasionally lifting her eyes to send terrified looks to the rapidly growing group of Salem townsfolk that gathered to see her off to Hell. 

Lovely, an audience. God, these people were sick. 

The priest made his way to the front of the crowd and stopped right in front of where she was struggling, a bible clutched under his arms. 

“Now, vile temptress, do you have any last words?”

Barbara looked up at him, still crying. 

“Do you have any marshmallows?”

The priest looked bewildered and angered, but since her last words had not been a plea for mercy or a revocation of the dark arts, he signaled for the pile of logs to be lit and stepped back. 

The logs lit surprisingly quickly, the fire growing hungrier and hungrier as it spread upwards. Barbara writhed and screamed as the flames began to lick the bottom of her shoes, the embers settling in the hem of her dress and beginning to singe it. The townspeople watched, steely-eyed and morbidly mesmerized as the witch began to burn. 

That was, until her screams of pain turned into malicious laughter, and the flames began to grow at an alarming pace and gain a hot-pink hue. 

That definitely wasn’t supposed to happen. 

The townspeople watched, utterly horrified as the figure of the witch somehow slipped free of her bonds and began to levitate above the pile of burning wood and out of the way of the flames, eyes closed tightly as the singed and smouldering hem of her dress fluttered around her calves, her bushy hair floating around her head. The flames grew dangerously high, taking a humanoid form as the Puritans looked on, frozen in terror as the heat from the inferno danced across their faces. The fire monster looked like the vague silhouette of the witch, but with gigantic claws and horns; the very nightmare the townspeople had been trying to avoid. 

The fire demon opened its fanged mouth and let out a thunderous roar at the exact same time the witch opened her eyes, revealing them to be nothing but fiery pools of hot pink, just like the demon. 

This was gonna be fun. 

Demon Barbara snarled, teeth bared as she examined the quaking crowd in front of her. She hated doing this with kids in the audience, but some things couldn’t be helped. These people needed to be taught a lesson, and this was the best way to do it. 

Growling, Barbara and the fire demon spoke at the same time, both voices deep, gravely and echoing.

_ “You think I’m that easy to kill?” _

She saw the adults in the crowd flinch back. Some of the oldest teenagers in the crowd gathered the younger children and told them to run, which all the youngsters heeded. Every child in the crowd fled, but all the adults stayed, too horrified to do anything else. Barbara gave a self-satisfied nod before letting out another malicious laugh and then continuing. 

_ “You insolent fools. How dare you try to weed out the witches among you? How dare you send innocent people to their graves in the name of your God!” _

The townspeople were really frightened now, awaiting the wrath of this clearly very powerful and angry being. Barbara narrowed her glowing eyes and pointed an accusatory finger at the crowd as the fire demon behind her did the same. 

_ “You dare take the word of children, you dare lie to the court and to God to purge yourselves of an evil that does not exist, and you dare go against your pitiful honor just so you have an excuse to kill, over and over and over again in an endless cycle of murder and betrayal!” _

She was yelling now, the flames leaping ever higher in her rage. 

_ “Well, pride yourself on this, Salem, You have indeed found the one, true witch. And I will leave, for now. But here me now and remember for the rest of your days; with God and Satan as my witnesses, if I ever hear of another burning, another drowning, another hanging, another innocent life lost to the hands of your ignorance, I will return and make sure that you rue the day you ever started this accursed witch hunt.”  _

Barbara sent one last snarl to the townspeople and the fire demon let out one last ear-splitting roar, and then suddenly both disappeared, leaving behind only a pile of hot-pink ash and a very scarred Salem.

**************

Barbara flew over the forest, laughing to herself and hollering triumphantly into the night. She knew she had hammed it up big time, but she was mostly just elated with how well it had worked. Sure, she had plans for each form of death they could have sentenced her to. If they decided to drown her, she would have simply gone under for a bit before emerging as a horrifying wet corpse, and if they had decided to hang her she would have just repeated the closet trick she did with the Deetzes before giving her little speech, but she was glad she was able to go for the drama of the fire-demon. 

She just hoped that her warning would be enough to prevent any future witchcraft-related deaths. 

She shook her head and smoothed out her once again floral dress to re-focus herself. After all, she couldn’t tell her husband and daughter of her adventure if she never got home. 

Looking around, she spotted a small clearing in the forest. From her arial view, she could see a thin blanket of leaves covering the grass, a scattering of rocks and branches...and the top of a worn-out door frame. 

Bingo. 

Touching down for a soft landing, Barbara smoothed out her dress and fluffed her hair, patting the last remaining bit of ash out of it. She smiled to herself and took a deep breath before taking the handle in her hand and swinging the door open. As she stepped through the threshold, she thought of her goth daughter and her dorky husband. And as she made her way into another adventure, she could only hope that Adam was having an easier time than her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what I'm gonna say.
> 
> Show the Maitlands some love down in the comments!


	6. Body Manipulation is Normal for Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam finds himself separated from his wife and in a place that speaks a language that he has completely forgotten. 
> 
> What could go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Barbara is a Badass and Adam is a dork; these are the basic rules of Maitland-dom.
> 
> Also there is some French in this chapter (which is in italics) and I apologize to any French speakers reading this. The English translations follow the French.
> 
> Be nice

Adam was, in fact, not having an easier time than Barbara. 

When he found himself standing in the middle of an incredibly elaborate room instead of falling through the sky, his first thought was of Barbara. There was no sign of her anywhere, and the ghostly door he had come through had already disappeared. This immediately distressed him; he knew Barbara could more than take care of herself, but he still felt strange when she wasn’t near. Just in case, he called her name. 

“Barbara? Honey?”

No response. So much for that. 

Well, Adam supposed that he was on his own. He wasn’t even remotely scared; having already died and survived an exorcism, something like ending up in an alternate dimension hardly seemed panic-worthy. He figured that Barbara must have ended up in an alternate universe of her own, if she wasn’t home already. He smiled to himself, thinking of how wonderful Barbara must look as she fought her way through any foe she ended up facing. He couldn’t wait to hear about the adventure she must be having. His next thought was of Lydia; he hoped she was doing okay. She could handle herself, but Adam couldn’t help the fatherly concern that seeped into his mind at the thought of his daughter all alone. However, that concern was short lived.

No matter what happened, he knew that both of his girls could handle themselves, They were strong, determined women, and he loved both of them with all he had. 

Smiling, Adam decided that the next best thing would be to examine his surroundings. He shook himself out and adjusted his glasses, looking around him. He appeared to be in a beautifully decorated room. There were a few plush armchairs arranged in the corner around a similarly styled table, and in the other corner was a beautiful ebony hand-carved piano, along with a few other instruments. 

Ah. A music room, then. 

Every piece of furniture was lavish and expertly carved, to the point where Adam was almost jealous. He ran his hand over the arms of one of the chairs, admiring each carving stroke and streak of stain. This was definitely antique, and Adam found himself slipping away into his craftsman mode, ready to admire every bit of handiwork that was sitting before him. However, he caught himself just before he slipped under entirely and gave his head a little shake. 

No, No. He had to get home. There would be time to admire antique chairs later. He had to focus. 

Looking up, he noticed that there was a light green wallpaper plastered on the walls, decorated with birds of paradise and other sprawling designs. 

Hmm. That’s odd. Why did this shade seem so familiar?

Upon closer inspection, Adam remembered why that specific shade of green was striking warning bells in the back of his mind. It was arsenic wallpaper; colored with a deadly chemical that caused severe sickness. He knew it was first produced in the 1770’s, and discontinued soon thereafter, after possibly causing the death of Napoleon . But if it was here, in this house, then…

Uh-oh. 

For the first time since he arrived, Adam decided to cross the room and take a look out the large window on the back wall. He was greeted by a beautiful view of a lovely stone plaza, with only a few birds circling overhead and a clear, blue sky. 

The only thing that soiled the view was the large guillotine in the middle of the plaza, blade raised and ready to drop, still stained slightly red. 

Double uh-oh. 

Adam hadn’t paid much attention in history class, preferring instead to stare lovingly at Barbara as she listened intently to the teacher or doodled in her notebook. But he did remember some things, and the scene in front of him was looking eerily similar to an era he would rather avoid. Backing away from the window slowly, he tried to come up with a plan. He should probably get out of this house, try to get a better view from the air. But what if the door was in this house? He could go from room to room, try each door, maybe-

_ “Arrêt!” (Halt!) _

Adam spun around so hard that his glasses flung off his nose and clattered to the floor a few feet away. He scrambled to pick them up, immediately on guard. When he had retrieved his glasses and stood up again, he saw a pair of men, dressed in plain trousers and simple shirts; definitely not part of the aristocracy. The man in front had mid-length brown hair and was brandishing a rifle, which was currently pointed at Adam’s chest. The other had a knife clenched tightly in his fist, his sandy hair falling just into his eyes. Both of them looked half-crazed, and were staring straight at him. 

Adam raised his hands up in surrender, trying to make himself look smaller. He was hoping that no one would be able to see him, but he supposed that everyone was on high alert for strange and suspicious activity in this particular time period. 

And now, these two men were looking straight at his now ridiculously out of place flannel and khakis that he hadn’t yet bothered to change. 

Well, too late now. 

The first man moved closer to Adam, the gun trained on him the entire time. He spoke, his voice angry and demanding. 

_ “Identifiez-vous, homme étrangement vêtu.” (Identify yourself, you strangely dressed man!) _

Adam hadn’t taken a single French lesson since his senior year of high school, and remembered about as much French as expected. Since he only caught about three words in the man’s sentence, Adam tried very hard to remember how to say something, anything, that would get this man to lower his gun. He knew that it was harmless to him and being shot would do nothing but waste the man’s bullets, but the situation was making it hard to think regardless. 

“I...uh..”

Apparently, all that would come to mind is some worthless vocab. Knowing that saying ‘cheese’ in this situation would do nothing to help his case (out of all the words to remember, why  _ fromage? _ ), Adam resorted to just looking sheepish and hoping the men would just mistake him for a confused, harmless commoner and let him go. However, his failure to produce a name just made them more suspicious. The first man turned to the second man. 

_ “Pensez-vous que c'est un noble? Peut-être qu'il ne voulait pas donner son nom au cas où nous le reconnaîtrions?” (Do you think he’s a noble? Maybe he didn’t want to give his name in case we recognize it?) _

Adam was thoroughly confused at this point, but he didn’t dare move. 

_ “Peut-être. Mais pourquoi est-il vêtu de vêtements aussi criards?” (Perhaps. But why is he dressed in such garish clothes?) _

Adam caught the word for ‘clothes’ and looked down at his outfit, cursing himself that he didn’t change it sooner. Knowing it was too late, he listened and tried to interpret some more of the conversation. 

_ “Peut-être pour nous faire croire qu'il est un roturier. Ce doit être à cela que ces porcs corrompus pensent que l'homme qui travaille ressemble” (Perhaps to make us think he is a commoner. This must be what those corrupt pigs think the working man looks like.) _

The second man looked at the first. 

_ “Devrions-nous l'accueillir?” (Should we take him in?”) _

The first man looked from Adam to his companion. 

“S'il est l'un de ces nobles cochons corrompus, nous le devrions. Ils doivent être traduits en justice pour l'injustice à laquelle ils nous ont condamnés.” (If he is one of those corrupt noble pigs, we should. They must be brought to justice for the injustice they have condemned us to.)

The men nodded at each other, Adam looking between the two of them. Suddenly, the man with the rifle moved to grab Adam roughly by the arm, his companion doing the same. Adam, slightly panicked, struggled a bit. He didn’t want to be led away, he didn’t want to be hurt, he didn’t-

Oh. He was dead. None of this was an issue for him.

Upon remembering that he was immune to possibly every threat this Reign of Terror posed to him, Adam simply allowed himself to be led away by the men. During the trip, he could hear them make comments about his absolutely frigid body temperature and how little he apparently weighed, so he made a conscious effort to appear more...alive as to not arouse suspicions. 

Eventually, the men threw him to a small holding cell underneath the courthouse, where he supposed his trial was to eventually be held. No one else was in the cell, which Adam was incredibly thankful for. He knew what would happen next because of his knowledge of history, but he also knew he couldn’t be harmed. He didn't think he would be able to bear being in the cell with someone who didn’t have the same ‘already dead’ security that he had. 

Besides, he needed the time alone to come up with a plan. 

Sitting himself down in a corner of the damp cell, Adam closed his eyes and began to think. 

\----------------------

His trial came quickly, especially since he spent all the time in the cell trying to remember as much French from high school as possible and unfortunately coming up with very little. 

He was very glad his old French teacher wasn’t there to berate him for not studying more. 

Now Adam found himself sitting in the very worn-down benches of the courthouse as a judge ranted in rapid French to a small crowd. Adam, for the most part was completely tuned out of the conversation. He couldn’t handle trying to translate the judge’s words, and besides he had more important matters to focus on.

This was all so surreal to him; here he was, a ghost, the shadow of a former human being, standing trial for corruption (that he certainly didn’t commit) in the middle of the French Revolution. His wife, also a ghost, was currently in a separate dimension. Both of them were working their way back home and back to their living, goth daughter, who was waiting for them. 

If the living version of Adam from 5 years ago could see him now, he would have a conniption. 

Sighing lightly, Adam sulked a little bit as he watched over the trial with dull eyes. He didn’t know if his complacency was helping his case at all, but he hoped it was. Despite his numb demeanor, he was worried about the outcome of the trial. He was praying that they would just let him go free; that would allow him time to escape through the streets of France in an attempt to find the door out. 

He didn’t want to think about what would happen if the trial didn’t turn out in his favor. 

To bring himself out of his growing state of unease, Adam began to think about his girls again. He imagined holding Barbara close once he found her again, kissing her curls and telling her about all that had happened since they had parted. He imagined Lydia’s smiling face, the one that would appear the second they walked back through the correct door. He imagined Barbara and himself recounting the tales of their adventures to Lydia, who would listen with rapt attention and immense fascination. He also imagined both girls berating him for not changing his clothes, both of their faces scrunched up in mock disappointment. 

Adam actually chuckled aloud at that part, earning him stern looks from all the living people present, and they waited a minute before resuming the trial. 

Adam let himself get lost in the thoughts of his family and the happiness that was sure to come once they escaped this strange Neitherworld maze. He could have stayed in those thoughts forever, happy to ignore everything else around him. 

That was, until the judge sentenced Adam to death. 

Adam had snapped back to attention the second the sentence was delivered, but he only understood the word ‘guillotine’. 

Definitely not good. 

Adam gulped and watched as the same pair of men from before came up to his perch and grabbed him roughly by the arms again. They pulled him up from his stool and began to drag him outside, the crowd from the courtroom following, shouting and cheering and drawing more people in. Apparently this was a spectator event.

That was disgustingly morbid. 

Now, Adam Maitland was no stranger to getting his head chopped off. He fondly remembered the little incident when the Deetzes first moved in. He and Barbara had argued for a few minutes; Barbara had still in shock about her newfound ability to manifest a large knife out of nowhere and reluctant to cut off her husband’s head (for obvious reasons), whereas Adam was confident it would work and was willing to try anything to get those awful people out of his house. He still remembered the apologetic look on Barbara’s face as she separated his head from his body and the strange thrill he felt when he opened his eyes as a newly decapitated head with his body on the floor. 

The trick hadn’t worked, but it was still cool. 

So Adam was not in the slightest bit scared about the guillotine. He was more worried about how he was going to get both his head and his body out of there without all of France going crazy. In an attempt to explain himself, he looked up at the two men dragging him to his ‘doom’. 

“Guys, I don’t think this will work out the way you want it to. Trust me, this is not a good idea!”

But his pleas were drowned out by the roar of the crowd. Adam tried struggling a bit, but every time he squirmed the men just tightened their grip on his arms. They were almost to the steps now, and Adam shifted his eyes up so he could see the blade, poised in wait. 

Why couldn’t he have landed someplace less bloodthirsty?   
  
He was dragged onto the platform of the guillotine, his hands tied and his head placed into the little dip in the wood. He could see some faint red stains on the ground and screwed his eyes shut as the executioner made one last announcement to the crowd. And in a last ditch effort, Adam said one of the only French words he was able to remember. 

_ “Fantôme!” (Ghost!) _

This last statement was heard by the executioner, who leaned down to Adam’s level and snarled, 

_ “Tu seras un fantôme quand j'aurai fini avec toi.” (You will be a ghost when I’m done with you.”) _

And before Adam could interpret what he had said, the executioner stood and pulled the release rope in one swift movement. 

The blade shot downwards, cutting powerfully through Adam’s neck. His head tumbled into the basket, his body going limp on the other side of the guillotine. 

The executioner walked over to the basket, ready to retrieve the head and present it to the crowd, when he noticed the unusual lack of blood coming from both the body and the head. Eyes narrowed, the executioner walked over to the basket and peered in…

Just as the head opened its eyes and the body behind the blade managed to get back up on it’s own two feet. 

Every single person in attendance screamed, a few of them even fainting as the body of the should-be-dead man fumbled its way blindly around the blade in an attempt to reach the basket. Once it had, it searched around inside the basket until it found what it was looking for. Adam’s body grabbed its head lightly by the hair and lifted it up so that he could survey the scene. 

And absolute chaos is what he was greeted with. 

Adam’s body flinched as his head surveyed all the chaos it had caused, unhappy with the sight of people absolutely losing their minds because of him. Sheepishly, he spoke. 

“I’m really sorry about all this. But in my defense, I did try to warn you.”

Seeing the decapitated head’s lips move and words come out of it’s mouth did not help matters, so Adam just calmly reattached his head, rolling his neck around a few times to make sure he was properly connected. Unable to bear the sight of the hysterical crowd any longer, Adam turned to the executioner and then men that had found him in the first place, all three of them frozen and horror and looking at him with sickly pale faces. Suddenly self-conscious, Adam looked down at the ground. 

“I’ll just...uh..I’ll just be going then. Goodbye, everybody!”

Then, quick as a shot in order to avoid any more awkwardness. Adam let himself become intangible and felt himself sink through the guillotine platform, crouching low. Then, making sure that he was thoroughly invisible (and cursing himself that he didn’t think of this sooner) he flew out from under the platform and into the sky, leaving the traumatized crowd behind and thoroughly glad to be out of that mess. 

Barbara was never going to believe this. 

Adam was so distracted by what had just transpired that he didn’t notice the worn out, floating door until he had already rammed into it at top speeds. 

“Augh!”

Rubbing his head and fixing his glasses, Adam examined the door and breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, he could get out of this French nightmare. He straightened himself up and steeled himself for whatever could lie on the other side of the door. He didn’t want a repeat of what had just happened, but on the other hand, he just wanted to go home. Besides, he had people waiting for him. 

Adam placed his hand on the handle, twisted it, and got ready to push it open. Under his breath, he muttered, 

“I’m coming, girls.”

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Adam Maitland threw himself through the door, slamming it behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, but not if it's about my bad French. I took Spanish in High school, okay?


	7. How to Shapeshift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Maitlands are finally reunited, but a nasty surprise is waiting for them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're finally together again! And it's time for some shapeshifty antics!

It was a lovely morning in the village; the livestock were grazing well and everyone was in good spirits. The harvest had been good that year and the sun was shining brilliantly. Today looked like a promising, peaceful day. 

Or at least, it had been until two ghosts fell through two different doors on opposite sides of the sky simultaneously. 

Both ghosts began to fly the second they found themselves falling and immediately began to survey their surroundings, ready to face whatever fresh challenge this clearly-not-home dimension threw at them. 

When they saw each other, of course, all walls went down as both of their bodies were flooded with relief. 

“Adam!”

“Barbara!”

The two of them flew to each other and embraced in midair, clutching each other tightly like they never wanted to let go again. Which they didn’t. They only separated briefly to give each other enough room for a kiss; a deep, passionate one that seemed to convey just how much they missed each other. Adam pulled away first, resting his forehead against Barbara’s and delighting in the feeling of her curls tickling his cheek as she laughed in relief. They both smiled fondly at each other for a moment, until both of them simultaneously said,

“You would not believe what I just went through.”

They both looked at each other and laugh, with Adam placing another kiss on Barbara’s forehead. 

“You go first, Honey. Where did you end up?”

“The Salem Witch Trials. And you?”

“The French Revolution. What happened with yours?”

“I got burned at the stake. I taught them a lesson they’ll never forget, though. And you?”

“Got my head chopped off by a guillotine. They certainly won’t be forgetting that any time soon.”

The two Maitlands laughed, absolutely ecstatic to be back in each other’s arms. They stayed like that for a moment more before deciding to survey their surroundings, their arms not leaving each other. They didn’t want to get separated again. Barbara was the first to break the silence. 

“Well, sadly we are still not home. Any clue where we are?”

Adam looked around and shook his head. 

“No clue. Should we try to figure it out from below?”

Barbara nodded, and the two of them began their gentle descent to the ground. When they landed, the two of them made sure to stay hidden from regular mortal eyes. It took a little practice to make sure you were invisible, but luckily those practice sessions with Lydia were paying off. Hand in hand, they walked through the edge of the treeline and looked out at the village they had spotted from the air. 

The village itself was quaint and small, seemingly medieval and decently crowded. A blacksmith hammered away in his forge, a farmer tended his crops while a shepard led his flock down to a babbling brook, and small children dressed in plain, practical clothes ran about, poking each other with sticks and pretending to be knights. A castle appeared as a tiny speck in the distance, too far away to tell if it was occupied or not. 

Giving Adam’s hand a squeeze, Barbara gestured with her head towards the village. Adam got the message, and the two of them crept silently and stealthily amongst the townsfolk. Everyone was going about their daily routine and everyone seemed to be talking about the local lord and his apparently soon-to-be bride. They hovered in between a maid and a baker, listening to their conversation. The baker spoke first, his eyes not leaving the dough he was kneading. 

“I heard the girl is from a neighboring kingdom, one named after a river of some sort, and as far as I know it’s not a marriage to arrange an alliance.”

The maid leaned against the outside wall of his shop, and she busied her hands by bunching up the worn sleeves of her dress as she spoke. 

“She’s on the younger side, I think. I saw her for a moment this morning while I was walking past the manor. She looked so small and scared. It was the strangest thing; she was staring around as if she didn’t know where she was, and I thought I heard screaming earlier in the day. It’s a shame too, she seems like such a nice lass.”

The baker nodded sympathetically, and both villagers turned their heads to look at the manor on the edge of the village before turning back to their work and idle chatter. Barbara and Adam-now disengaged from the conversation-looked at each other. Gently taking her husband’s arm, Barbara led the two of them towards a small stone bridge that covered one of the deepest banks of the village’s river. Huddled close together, Barbara looked into Adam’s eyes. 

“Okay, so here’s what we know. We are apparently in medieval times-somewhere in Europe based on everyone’s accents-and there is a lord somewhere who is apparently in possession of a very young, very unwilling bride who was heard screaming and fighting, which makes me pretty mad.”

Indeed, a hot pink blush had entered her face, and Adam could almost feel the heat radiating off of her. Maybe it was some residual fire from being burned at the stake. As if to validate his theory, a small flame erupted around her clenched fist, which she promptly shook off with a growl. Adam gently took her hands in his own and unclenched her fist, pulling at her fingers one by one and rubbing soothing circles into the back of her hand with his thumb. He then raised a hand to her cheek, holding her and hoping that his now naturally cold body temperature would help her cool down slightly. He directed her gaze to him.

“Hey, it’s okay. I know you’re all  _ fired _ up about this..”

His dad joke earned him a hefty eye roll, but also a smile, which encouraged him to continue.

“But maybe that’s just how things are done around here. I’m not saying it’s right and I’m just as upset as you; what if it were Lydia?”

Barbara nodded, looking into her husband’s eyes. He took a deep breath.

“But I don’t think there’s a lot we can do. We don’t agree with it, but we don’t want to mess with things too much. We’ve already traumatized dozens of people throughout various points in history, I don’t really want to mess with it any more if we can help it.”

Barbara huffed. 

“But-”

Adam cut her off in a kiss; the easiest way he knew to stop an angry Barbara that resulted in minimal damage. Before she could butt in again, he spoke. 

“But we can still make sure that all is well. I say we just fly in and check to make sure she’s safe and taken care of. If she looks to be in any sort of danger, we’ll get her out of there. If not, then hopefully we can trust that she can take care of herself. Okay?”

Barbara weighed the options, then gave a small nod. She had indeed cooled down a bit, and Adam kissed her again. She gave a small smile and nodded. 

“Okay.”

Considerably happier, she wrapped her arms around him and gave him a peck of the cheek.

“You always know what to do. Come on, let’s go.”

The two smiled at each other and began to make their way towards the lord’s house, making their way back through the village and observing the townsfolk in their natural habitat, still unseen to them. Apparently, the people of this village were not very aware of the strange and unusual, which made sense. Their village was idyllic, with everyone happily going about their day and their specific roles. Barbara and Adam found themselves in the middle of the village, looking around them and smiling. The sun was shining, not a cloud was in the sky; it was the perfect day. 

The perfect day that was shattered by the sound of a shrill scream and the pounding of horse hooves. 

Just as the Maitlands were taking their first steps towards the lord’s house, the door of the manor’s stables burst open and a horse so black it almost looked purple came thundering out. The Maitlands saw a man with a malicious yellow grin wielding the reins, his clothes moth-eaten, torn, and strikingly familiar, just like the death-like pallor, moss stains and wild pale hair. He glared at the Maitlands as he passed, almost as if he was gloating. But that wasn’t what made the Maitland’s blood run colder; it was the petite, black haired-figure clamped under his arm. 

The same figure they had left at home, the same figure whose eyes latched onto the ghostly figures of her missing parents in desperation, the same figure who called their names out in desperation and fear as she was taken further and further away from them. 

“BARBARA! ADAM!”

The Maitlands hardly took a second to think before sprinting forward, barrelling through houses and people as the same name left both their lips. 

“LYDIA!!!”

Beetlejuice himself turned around on the horse, a malicious look in his eyes as he glared at the pursuing Maitlands. He shouted,

“Catch us if you can, Maits!”

before spurring the horse to go even faster in the direction of the incredibly distant castle. 

The Maitlands were glad for once that they couldn’t physically tire, they sprinted after the horse, spurred on by the terrified look in Lydia’s eyes as she watched them, her big brown eyes begging them to save her until Beetlejuice turned her around so she couldn’t encourage them any further. After a few moments of their feet pounding the grassy field, the Maitlands leaped into the air, hoping to gain speed in the air and close the gap between Beetlejuice and themselves. However, it didn’t matter how fast they went, the horse always seemed to be faster. Beetlejuice cast gloating looks over his shoulder every few minutes, clearly confident in the speed of his mount and the failings of the Maitlands to catch him. 

Still in hot pursuit, Barbara turned to her husband, who was flying right at her side. She shouted over the wind rushing by them. 

“Adam! We need to try a new tactic!”

Adam turned to his wife, who was doing all she could to gain speed. 

“What do you suggest? We can’t fly as fast as him like this!”

The mischievous glint in Barbara’s eyes was almost lost under her desperation to reach her daughter. 

“Well, when in Rome…”

Before Adam could blink, a large, pink, incredibly ferocious looking dragon flew next to him, teeth bared and giant wings beating the air like its life depended on it. Barbara-dragon roared, getting Beetlejuice and Lydia’s attention. Lydia’s amazement was short-lived, however, as Beetlejuice cursed and spurned the horse on more. Barbara beat her wings with such force that she actually managed to close the gap between her and the horse a bit, and the look in her reptilian eyes told Adam that she could tell that she had made a good choice. 

Always one to support his wife and just as desperate to reach their daughter, Adam’s usual self was soon replaced with a black and red dragon, and he quickly caught up with his wife and made his own strides in closing the gap. 

Beetlejuice would never show it, but he was not aware that they had mastered shapeshifting yet, and the fact that they were actually managing to gain on him was putting him slightly on edge. 

No matter, they were close to the castle now anyway, and once they got there the Maitlands would never find them again. 

Leaning down slightly, he hissed in Lydia’s ear. 

“Won’t be long now, babes. Just sit back, relax, and watch as your idiot parents fail to save you. Should make for some unique pre-death entertainment.”

In response, Lydia spat in his face, causing Beetlejuice to growl and urge the horse to go faster. 

The Maitlands saw this and roared again, their voices echoing through the trees and over the mountains in the distance. Despite the fact that she had been kidnapped, forced into the winding Neitherworld maze by the one ghost she would have loved to avoid and was sure her doom was impending, Lydia allowed their roaring calls to give her hope; she knew that the Maitlands would never stop fighting for her, even if they had to fight through every last ghost, demon and dimension to do it. 

And the look in her eyes as she stared over Beetlejuice’s shoulder at them gave the Maitlands hope, both of them flying faster than they had before, diving and pumping in a new attempt to get to their beloved Lydia. 

Unfortunately, that hope came too late. 

Beetlejuice and Lydia had reached the castle. 

Beetlejuice forced Lydia off of the horse, which promptly ran away into the forest. The Maitlands were getting alarmingly close, so Beetlejuice ran up to the top of the highest tower with Lydia in tow, brandishing her like a trophy where he was sure the Maitlands could see. Lydia was none too pleased with this, and stomped on his foot as hard as she could as soon as they had stopped moving. Beetlejuice yelped in pain and yanked her arm tighter, pulling her to his level. As soon as he was close enough, she spit at him again and growled, 

“Fuck you.”

Then, she turned her attention to the two dragons that were rapidly approaching and shouted their names again while Beetlejuice was still distracted. 

“BARBARA! ADA-”

She was cut off before she could finish her cries, though, as Beetlejuice snarled and yanked her down into the depths of the castle, with her cries of protest ringing out within the stone walls. 

Barbara landed on the castle first, her talons taking out chunks of stone as she scrambled for purchase on the tower she had seen their daughter last. Growling in frustration, she just decided to rip the roof off of the tower, slithering down the staircase and into the large entrance hall. Adam had decided to try the main entrance, and after ripping the large wooden front gate off, he too found himself in the entrance hall and with his wife, but with no sign of their daughter or the demon. 

Growling, Barbara turned back to herself in a puff of smoke and fire, with Adam following suit. They looked at each other. Adam spoke first. 

“He left through a door.”

Barbara nodded; she had figured out the same thing. They didn’t have to say anything more to each other; they both knew what to do. Splitting up, they both raced to every door of the castle they could find, ripping them all open in an attempt to find the right one. 

It was Barbara who ultimately found it, a back door leading to the kitchens of the unoccupied castle. 

“Adam!”

In a second, her husband was there, and it was barely another second before they both plunged through the ghostly door and into another unknown dimension. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all like dragons!
> 
> Please let me know what you thought!


	8. Try to Avoid the Place of Your Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Maitlands have made it back home, but they leave once again when they fins out who's really behind all their misery, and they suffer more for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get Ready for ANGST

The Maitlands entered the new dimensions with fists raised and powers ready; they had only one thing on their minds and they didn’t care what happened to them; they had to save their daughter. 

So when they saw that they were in their own kitchen again, they were majorly confused. 

They looked around wildly, like they didn’t recognize the interior of their own home, the one they were condemned to live in for 125 years. Which would make sense, considering the trials they had just endured in the various dimensions they had fought their way through. 

However, the shock of familiarity only lasted for a few seconds before they remembered what they had charged through the door for in the first place. 

Lydia. 

They both took off running at the same time, sprinting up the stairs. They didn’t even bother to open the door to Lydia’s room; they just phased through the door itself and paused, both of their chests rising rapidly. They raced to Lydia’s bed, expecting to see it empty, which would only solidify their fears that Beetlejuice still had her and that she was still in danger. 

Which only confused them more when they looked down and saw her, sleeping peacefully, a small smile on her face as she evidently dreamed of something pleasant, so unlike the last expression they had seen her make. 

The contrast set the Maitlands back a few steps, and Barbara blindly grabbed for Adam. He was next to her in a second, just as concerned as confused as his wife. They both looked down at Lydia’s sleeping form, reluctant to take their eyes off of her in case she disappeared from their view again. With a slightly shaky voice, Barbara addressed her husband;

“Adam? What’s going on?”

Adam wished desperately that he knew and that he could comfort his wife, but he was at a loss himself.

“I..I don’t know Barbara. Do you think it’s a trick?” 

Barbara’s eyes narrowed slightly, and she took a hesitant step towards Lydia’s bed. 

“I don’t know, it seems so...real.”

Gently, she hovered her hand over Lydia’s cheek, not daring to touch her in case she woke her. Regardless, Barbara could feel the heat coming off of Lydia’s body, and she turned to Adam.

“She’s warm. I think...I think this might be real.”

She made her way back over to her husband and found herself in his arms, the two of them clutching each other and looking at the sleeping form of their daughter, still confused. Adam was the first to break the silence, whispering so to not wake Lydia. 

“I don’t know Barbara, maybe that was all a dream? Or maybe the Lydia we saw with Beetlejuice was the illusion. Maybe he just wanted to bait us into a chase while we were in the Neitherworld; neither of us let him out and I doubt he got out of the waiting room so quickly, so maybe he only has power there. And now we’re home, so he can’t get to us, or Lydia. Maybe we did it. Maybe we’re home.”

Barbara looked away from Lydia for the first time and into Adam’s warm brown eyes, letting herself give into the thought of a comfortable victory for the first time since they arrived. Adam turned his attention to his wife in turn, smiling slightly at the thought himself. Barbara’s voice was so gentle and hopeful when she spoke that it made Adam’s heart melt. 

“Really? You think we did it?”

Adam smiled.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, no. I wouldn’t be too sure ‘bout that, Adam.”

Both Maitlands yelped and looked around, Barbara immediately summoning her sword while Adam raised his fists. A ghostly, gravelly laugh echoed through Lydia’s room, yet the figure in the bed didn’t stir. This did nothing to soothe the Maitlands though; their guard was up and they were ready for a fight. The voice of Beetlejuice rang out once more, causing the Maitlands to look around wildly for the source.

“You guys are just too damn nice. Charging into the Neitherworld after your daughter, trying door after door to see if it would work only to be thrown into another unfamiliar dimension. I gotta hand it to you guys, you are determined as hell. Too bad you’re stupid as hell, too.”

His laugh sounded again, causing a chill to go down the Maitland’s spines. 

“You two have been through so much in the past few days, haven’t you? You’re exhausted, tired of being in places that aren’t home, scared of being seperated. It’s almost cute how human you still are.”

The Maitlands glanced at each other, unsure of what was coming next. Beetlejuice continued. 

“Hell, you guys even managed to get yourself a cute little family dynamic here. Got sole custody of Little Lydia and now you can all play family whenever you like.”

The Maitlands looked at their daughter, still somehow sleeping peacefully.

“I just thought I would have a little fun with you guys is all. I figured you guys screwed me out of gettin out, so I figured I’d screw you out of your peaceful little afterlife.”

The Maitlands looked at each other, eyes narrowed. Beetlejuice laughed again and Barbara tightened the grip on her sword. 

“What, you didn’t think I was behind this? Oh I was right, you guys are stupid.”

He laughed again.

“Think about it. All you guys ever wanted was a nice, quiet afterlife at home, so I took that from you. Lured you outside and sent you on a wild chase through the Neitherworld, going everywhere but home, being anything but calm and quiet. And once you had a daughter, you wanted to be with her; be happy and together and all that shit. So, I took that away from you too.”

At that exact moment, the Lydia on the bed opened her eyes and screamed. A long, drawn out painful scream that sounded like her soul was being ripped from her body as Beetlejuice laughed maniacally and the Maitlands cried out in fear and concern. They watched with horrified eyes as the writing and twisting form of their daughter began to fade and dissolve into ashes before fading from existence entirely, the sound of her cries still echoing throughout the bedroom. Barbara made a strangled noise but kept the grip on her weapon, a fire in her teary eyes. Adam stood next to her, in a similar state. They could hear the self-satisfied smirk in Beetlejuice’s voice as he witnessed their distress. 

“Oh don’t be so upset, that was just an illusion, just like the first one. Fooled ya twice!”

Barbara growled and Adam clenched his teeth so hard he thought that would shatter. 

“Don’t worry, I’ve got the real Lydia right here. But, of course, not for long.”

Barbara, filled with enough rage to break out of her terror spell, snarled at the voice. 

“What have you done to our daughter, you bastard?”

Beetlejuice laughed again and crooned, 

“Oh, nothing. I just took her on the Neitherworld sight-seeing trip she’s always wanted, just like she asked me to do when we first met; before you both ruined it, of course. Now she’s here with me, and the longer she stays here, the more of her soul is sucked out of her until she’s nothing but ashes, not unlike that little demonstration I just gave. I considered it to be fitting; she made a deal with me and broke it. Now I’m breaking the part of the deal that said I would let her live.”

Barbara and Adam both opened their mouths to speak, but Beetlejuice cut them off. 

“Uh-uh-uh, no playing hero now. I’ll make a deal with you two; you let me just take your daughter, let her drift into nothingness, and I’ll leave you two alone for the rest of eternity. I’ll forget about the sandworm, I’ll forget about the summonings, I’ll forget about how you both screwed me over and you two can be alone in your nice cozy house in your own dimension, just like you always wanted.”

The Maitlands moved to speak again but were cut off once more.

“If you don’t stay put, though, I can promise you an eternity of pure misery. It’ll be nothing but dimensions, constantly running and hiding and fighting your way back to a home you’ll never find. And you’ll never find your daughter either, hell, you may never even find each other again.” 

Adam and Barbara looked at each other, apparently at a loss. Beetlejuice sensed this and chuckled. 

“You’ll never get to her in time, and you’ll never be able to go home again. Now would be an excellent time to give up.”

“Well, I better get going. I have to break the news to Lyds that the last thing she’ll ever see is my ugly mug. Stay here Maitlands, where it's safe. And don’t worry; you’ll forget all about Lydia in a few millennia.”

And with that, the voice disappeared and left Adam and Barbara alone. The second he was gone Barbara and Adam flung themselves at each other, holding each other close as the reality of what they had just been told sunk in. They wanted to cry, they wanted to just curl up and forget that any of this had ever happened, to just go back to the afterlife they had known before they had gone outside. 

But they knew they couldn’t do that. Because despite all his threats, despite all his power that they would continue. They would continue to fight, continue to run, continue to fight for each other and their daughter. 

They were the goddamn Maitlands, and they would stop at nothing. 

Pulling back, Barbara looked into Adam’s eyes. Her steely determination was met with his, and they both knew that the other had made the same decision. They spoke in unison.

“Let’s go save our daughter.” 

They took each other’s hands, a determined yet saddened look in their eyes. They hadn’t doubted Beetlejuice when he said he could keep them away from home forever. Nor did they doubt him when he said he could keep them apart. 

But they had to try. 

They stopped before the door, turning to each other. They wrapped their arms around each other and pulled each other close, trying to memorize the feel of the other. They only parted for a kiss, one that was so full of love and a deep sadness that they were surprised they weren’t crying. When they finally did pull apart, they smiled at each other, and both silently prayed that it wouldn’t be the last time they saw each other happy. Adam gave a weak chuckle and squeezed Barbara’s hand. 

“See you on the other side.”

Barbara smiled.

“See you on the other side. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

And with that, the Maitlands walked through the door of their house-their home-and into the great unknown once more.

***********

Barbara was immediately aware of water in her lungs and a frigid current pushing her around.

All she could see around her was blackness, her arm hurt and she felt like she was trapped. She tried to swim, to struggle, anything. But the current kept pushing her and spinning her and she was dizzy and she didn’t know where she was and she cried out but all she made was bubbles and no sound came out and she wanted Adam and she needed to get out of her, out of the river and out of the car….

The car?

Oh. 

Oh  _ God. _

Barbara’s panic came back in full force, only growing after the realization that she was currently reliving her own tragic and sudden death, something she was hoping she would never have to do. The current kept pushing her, like she was in a raging storm, and if she looked down she could almost see the yellow roof of the station wagon below her, buried in the silt and mud of the river floor. Unfortunately, the sight of the familiar vehicle did nothing to calm her. I, it just made her panic more as she realized that she was indeed in the river she had died in. She tried to fly out of the water, to force herself to be still, nothing worked. She couldn’t see a bank or seem to move anywhere but forwards, but the pull of the current and her mounting exhaustion and panic did nothing but make her want to just give up. It would be so easy just to stop struggling, let the current take her….

Her panic and her exhaustion clouded her mind, making her limbs feel heavy and making her thinking less clear. She stumbled, and took a second longer than she should have to shake herself off. She felt hopeless, trapped, alone, and all she wanted was to just let go, to stop swimming towards Adam and just let herself….

Wait. Adam?

Barbara shook her head, squinting to peer ahead of her in the murky water. The figure was hazy, but after one powerful stroke Barbara managed to get far enough up to see her husband, seemingly swimming upstream too and struggling just as much as she was. His eyes were panicked behind his glasses and his movements were frantic, but he saw Barbara and started swimming forward with a new vigor. Barbara copied his movements;her dress and hair created drag that threatened to pull her back but she kept moving, kept swimming towards him, towards hope. The second they had caught sight of each other, the current picked up again, forcing the two of them back a few feet and continuing to provide as much resistance as possible to keep them apart. 

It was going to take more than a little water to do that. 

The whole time they were fighting the current, Adam and Barbara were looking at each other, into each other’s eyes. Neither of them could speak or be heard due to the roar of the rushing water, but they were able to convey their determination through their eyes. Neither of them knew how long they had been fighting this way, but they didn’t care. They pushed aside all fear, all panic, all exhaustion in favor of working towards fighting their respective currents. They were going to keep fighting, they were going to reach each other; they had beaten death like this once and they could do it again. 

Adam reached a hand out, and Barbara did the same. They were so close. 

Only a few feet away now…

Barbara gave a powerful kick, propelling her forward…

Almost there….

Both Maitlands were reaching out, and they were almost there. They were just close enough to reach each other. Barbara reached toward Adam and she just grazed his fingertips….

When the current stopped and the floor fell out from under them, dropping them both into a bottomless nothingness. 

**********

Adam opened his eyes. Then he closed them and opened them again. And again. And again. 

No matter how many times he opened his eyes, the view in front of him was the same; black. Absolutely nothing but an inky blackness that had no end, no beginning, nothing. There was no sound, no feel, no light of any kind. He couldn’t see his hands in front of his face and when he tried to light his hand on fire for some kind of light or warmth nothing happened. He was aware of his body; of his legs and his arms and his chest and his lungs that didn’t take in air anymore. He knew he was dead, he knew that nothing could hurt him, but he still felt his chest constricting and his not-breathing get quicker and shorter. He knew he was panicking, and when the logical part of his brain tried to pull him back towards a rational state of mind, it was immediately silenced by every part of him that was screaming in fear. 

This was his worst nightmare; an encounter with nothingness he had tried to avoid his whole life. 

Adam Maitland needed to be busy; he liked having his hands be busy and he liked having things to do and he had none of that now. He couldn’t tinker with anything, he couldn’t force himself to focus on a simple task, he couldn’t comfort himself in the creation of a new object. Worst of all, there was no Barbara here; no floral dress that flowed around her calves, no bushy hair that he tangled his fingers in, no laugh that rang out like firecrackers going off, nothing. And there was no Lydia either, no fluffy clack hair that he would tousle, no snarky remarks or flashing of camera bulbs. 

He was utterly alone. 

This is what he was always afraid death would be like; just an endless void where the consciousness would go to be tortured with sameness until it just gave up; resigned to an eternity of nothing. He had been so happy when he found out that he was a ghost; that an afterlife existed where he could be with his favorite person and continue to do his favorite things forever. He began to wonder if that had all been a dream; if it was some last dying hallucination as he struggled to breathe in the sinking car, and that this was the true afterlife that he had just woken up to. As predicted, this thought was not even remotely comforting and just caused him to panic again. 

This is what he had always been trying to avoid. It was just like those existentialist texts he had been forced to read in high school; he remembered turning to Barbara and telling her that he would never encounter true nothingness as long as he had her. She had laughed then, and said that she wouldn’t either with him around. They had kissed then, and gone off to lunch. 

The memory made Adam smile, and his breathing evened out slightly. He thought about her again; how she had looked in her wedding dress, how she had tutored kids in high school, how she put her hair up into a messy ponytail when she had a serious task to complete. He thought about her smile, her dimples, her hair, all of her until his not-breathing returned to normal and he could think again. He smiled. 

High school Adam was right. He could always get out of nothingness as long as he had Barbara. 

“You hear that, void?” He said, unaware of whether he was actually making noise or not, “I’m gonna be just fine. I have Barbara. I’ll always have Barbara.”

The void said nothing back. 

Adam closed his eyes and assessed the situation. He was in an inescapable void, with nothing to entertain himself or keep himself sane besides his own mind and memories.

Time to get thinking then. 

He leaned back (or at least felt like he did) as he let his mind wander. He thought about Barbara, about how determined she was to be a good ghost, how she kept using her ghost powers, how even though she could wear anything she wanted how she always picked that pink floral dress, how much it clashed with Lydia’s black, how well the two of them worked as mother and daughter, how determined Barbara had been to save her, how she was probably still fighting, how Adam still wanted to fight too, how he wanted to save his daughter and see his wife, how he wanted to be with his girls, how he wanted to be with his girls, how he wanted to be with-

Adam had no idea how long he had been in the void or how long he had been thinking, but his mind seemed to be stuck in a perpetual loop. All he could think about was wanting to save his daughter and see his wife and to just be with them as a family again. He felt a sort of warmth build up in his chest, a rising, glowing warmth that he expected to take him over completely. He kept thinking about his girls and his life and his home and his desire and his determination and the glow kept growing and growing and growing, until a single word escaped his lips, 

“Please.”

All of a sudden, he felt the antimatter-like black in front of him shift, and he felt something solid appear in front of him. Fumbling around, he felt the flat wooden surface until he found what he was looking for; a doorknob. 

He could have cried from joy. 

Without hesitation, Adam flung the door open and tumbled forward, leaving the blackness behind him forevermore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what I'm gonna say.


	9. Never Pick a Fight with a Demon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barbara and Adam are going to kick some demon ass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at writing fight scenes but I'm pretty proud of this one. Happy reading!

Adam’s senses were immediately assaulted. Compared to the black void that he had been in previously, the normal darkness and the damp, earthy air of the room he now found himself standing in were staggering. He took a second to collect himself, staggering to his feet and rubbing his eyes as he took a few deep breaths. Lighting one of his hands on fire, Adam hoped that it would shed some light on the situation. Slowly, he cracked his eyes open, blinking as he greeted with what looked like walls of dirt. Confused but grateful for a scenery change, Adam took a second to look around. He was in some kind of underground tunnel system, with hallways of dirt twisting down various unseen paths. Insects and worms made their way through the walls, going about their business and apparently apathetic to the presence of a ghost. 

As he stared at a fat beetle working its way across the floor, Adam remembered his mission.

He had to save his daughter. 

He took a step towards one of the larger tunnels, intending to go through this whole cave system to find the exit if he had to. He was just about to start forward when he was greeted with the sound of something hitting the floor and a soft grunt. 

He knew that voice. Adam whipped around, holding his flaming fist in front of him. Barbara laid in front of him, eyes squeezed shut against the light of his fire. 

Adam had to choke back a sob as he rushed towards her. 

He fell to his knees in front of her, gently putting his hands on her shoulders and guiding her towards him. 

“Barbara, Barbara you can open your eyes. It’s me.”

Barbara gave out a little cry and opened her eyes, which Adam was upset to see were so full of fear. 

That was, of course, before they landed on her husband, his gentle face softly illuminated by the glow of the fire. 

Before Adam could get out any more reassuring words, Barbara flung her arms around him and buried her face into his neck, clutching the back of his flannel desperately. Adam wasted no time in casting the fire from his hand into a little floating orb so that he could hold his wife just as close, whispering thanks to the powers that be that she was here and that he could bury his face in her curls and feel her body against his. He only pulled back briefly to kiss every part of her that he could reach over and over again, before resorting to just holding her again. He mumbled into her curls. 

“I thought he was right. I thought I was never going to see you again.”

Barbara sniffed and kissed Adam’s cheek, clearly still a little rattled from what she had just experienced. 

“Me too. I was so scared, so alone. There was nothing; I was just in a pit of black and there was nothing but darkness and I was so scared-”

Adam cut her off with a kiss, caressing her cheek and pushing her hair back. She leaned into his touch, looking up at him. 

“Oh Barb, I went through the same thing. I thought I was having that encounter with nothingness that Mr. Martin taught us about in English, remember?”

Barbara gave a weak laugh, and Adam kissed her forehead again. 

“Nothing but blackness, empty and full at the same time. But you know how I got out?”

She looked up at him, questioning. He smiled down at her, eyes starting to prick his eyes as well. 

“I thought about you, I thought about you and how much I needed to see you again, how much I love you, and how much I needed to be with you and Lydia again. And then the door appeared. You guys gave me the hope and motivation I needed to get out of my worst nightmare.”

Barbara smiled and wiped her eyes. 

“I did too. I thought about you and Lydia and how much I needed to get back to you-and also a little bit about how I wanted to tear that demon apart-and the door appeared. You’ve always given me hope Adam.”

The two of them kissed, then parted and wiped their tears. The fire in their eyes had returned, and Adam helped Barbara to her feet, the both of them summoning fire to form around their hands, allowing them to illuminate their surroundings a bit more. Barbara took Adam’s free hand and looked into his eyes. 

“Adam, Lydia’s here. I can feel it. And...she’s fading.”

Adam nodded. He could feel something similar, a faint tugging in the back of his mind, not unlike the kind he felt when she communicated with them via their graves, but much, much weaker. She must be sending out one last, desperate call to them.

They didn’t have much time. 

Adam squeezed Barbara’s hand tighter and held his flaming hand aloft like a torch. Barbara followed his lead. Adam’s face turned into one of pure determination as he turned to his wife. 

“Let’s save our daughter.”

Barbara nodded, and the two of them charged down the largest opening

They ran down tunnel after tunnel, following the tugging in the back of their skulls. When they got closer to Lydia, the tugging got stronger, but when they were further away it faded. The paths were winding and confusing, but they refused to let their heads get clouded. They had a mission, and they were determined to get to Lydia before it was too late. 

After yet another dead end tunnel, the Maitlands paused right before a large wall that blocked off their path. Here was where Lydia’s presence was strongest, but there was no other tunnel that could go down. They had tried the tunnels closest to this one, but none of them had as strong of a feeling as this one. The Maitlands looked at the unassuming dirt wall. They didn’t need to say much; both of them knew what lay beyond the wall in front of them. 

They had found themselves right outside of Beetlejuices’s ghostly lair, where their daughter was currently being held hostage. 

They looked at each other, taking a moment to collect themselves before they charged into danger. Barbara flexed her hand a few times, possibly thinking about all the things she could summon that would be useful to her in a fight. Adam shook himself off. He was never much of a fighter, but he couldn't ignore the fire that was building inside of him when he thought about his daughter in danger, and what that demon had already done to his family. Eyes narrowed, he looked at Barbara. 

“You ready for this?”

Barbara nodded, smirking. 

“Let’s go kick some demon ass.”

And with that, both Maitlands jumped through the wall of dirt and into the demon’s lair beyond. 

\----------------------

The first thing they both noticed was how massive the place really was. 

The lair was almost like a giant cave, the ceiling of which was so high the Maitlands began to wonder how far underground they had to be in order for it to be that high without showing the sky above them. 

The second thing they noticed was that the place was filthy. 

Half-melted and broken candles lay all over the place, newspapers and advertisements served as a kind of carpet for the dirt floor. There were moth-bitten couches and dirty armchairs pushed into the far corner of the cave, and the whole place reeked of decay, damp earth and cigarette smoke. 

The third thing they noticed was Lydia, shivering and pale in the corner while Beetlejuice stood in front of her, nonchalantly smoking a cigar. 

The second Lydia saw them, her eyes lit up and she tried to pull herself up a little straighter. She was wearing one of her favorite black dresses, the color of which only provided a contrast to how sickly she looked. Her skin was ashen and she had looked close to the point of collapse, but even her dull eyes couldn’t help but gain a small spark when she saw her parents valiantly charge into Beetlejuice’s lair, eyes alight and hands aflame. Beetlejuice smirked, his eyes gaining a spark as well. However, his eyes were full of malice and anger. He was wearing his old striped suit, seemingly wanting to dress up for the occasion. He chuckled humorlessly, breathing out a plume of acrid smoke. 

“Took you saps long enough. Although I gotta admit, I was banking on you two being stuck in the abyss longer than that. Stupid will to live. Well, will to exist, I guess.”

He chuckled, then flicked the cigar. Some of the ash landed on Lydia, who yelped and flinched away from it, pressing herself further against the wall. The Maitlands saw this and tensed up, ready to spring. Beetlejuice was unimpressed. 

“I told y’all to stay home. She’ll be dead in a little while anyway, and you both could have just gone on your merry way and avoided all this trouble.”

He tsked, shaking his head slightly back and forth, the cigar dangling from his lips.

“You never would have had to see me or her ever again. But, like the idiots I know you are, you followed. Stupid decision, really. And since you’re here and you’re in my home court, I think it’s time I just finished you off. It’ll be a nice little sight for Lyds here; I’m sure she appreciates you coming to save her, and I’m sure she’ll appreciate watching me destroy your very existence before she goes just as much. Isn’t that right, Lyds?”

Lydia mustered a weak growl and glanced at the Maitlands with a look of determination and intent. The Maitland’s didn’t need to hear her speak, her eyes clearly said ‘Kick his ass’.

And kick his ass they shall. 

Barbara summoned her sword again, and for good measure she set it and her other hand on fire, the hot pink flames licking up her arm, her eyes just as bright. Adam lit both of his hands on fire and adjusted his stance, just like he had always been taught to do before a fight. Beetlejuice flicked his cigar across the room and straightened his favorite striped jacket, rolling his neck with a series of sickening crunches. Rolling out his shoulders, he fixed his yellow eyes on the Maitlands with a fanged grin. Then, in a voice absolutely dripping with wickedness, he snarled, 

“It’s showtime.”

And all Hell broke loose. 

The Maitlands charged at Beetlejuice at the same time he charged at them, Lydia pressed against the wall behind him. All three dead people took to the air, prefering to fight from a few feet up. Barbara took a swing at him with her flaming sword, a war cry rising out of her throat. She slashed at him, the flames from her hand and the sword leaving a few singed gashes in his suit. Adam flew overhead in an attempt to get in a hit from behind, but Beetlejuice swatted him away as he turned to Barbara, growling. He attempted to grab the sword from her, only to have Barbara chop his arm off with one powerful swing. Beetlejuice clutched the injury while Adam took the opportunity to sock him hard across the jaw. Beetlejuice staggered back just slightly before glaring at the Maitlands, who started to come in for another attack. 

Or at least they tried to, before Beetlejuice summoned three winged, red-eyed shadow demons and sicked them on the Maitlands as his arm popped itself back onto his body. 

Beetlejuice entered the battle with a new ferocity, with one of the demons staying at his side while one went after Adam and the other flanked Barbara. She swung at it with her sword, but the blade did nothing. The flame, however, singed it a bit and caused it to yelp just slightly. This gave Barbara an idea. 

However, she was not allowed to immediately act on it since the demon fighting her had taken her moment of realization as an opportunity to knock the sword out of her hands and pin her down, while the second one grabbed Adam by the neck and slammed him against a wall. The third one, however, had descended on Lydia, causing her to scream as she was lifted into the air. The demon held her in both claws and brought her to Beetlejuice’s level. She writhed with all her might in it’s grip, but unfortunately she was too weak to do much. She just stared hatefully at Beetlejuice as he patted her condescendingly on the head.

“See that, babes? This is the last you’re gonna see of your parents. My little friends and I will rip their souls apart, and then you’ll have been here so long that there won’t be anything left of yours to rip up.”

He chuckled, and the demons copied him, their morbid laughter echoing throughout the cavern. Adam and Barbara struggled to lock eyes through the grips of the demons. Barbara’s eyes found Adam’s and both of them had the same idea. 

They needed to regroup. 

Barbara looked at Lydia, still being held tightly by the third shadow demon. Lydia looked close to tears and still sickly, but she was clearly more worried about the well-being of her parents than herself. Mother and daughter locked eyes, and Barbara and Adam made a decision simultaneously. 

Just in time, too. 

Beetlejuice commanded the demons to tighten their grip, and the Maitlands could almost feel their claws begin to rip into the very substance of their souls. Beetlejuice laughed and looked at them, eyes gleaming. 

“Any last words, Maitlands?”

Barbara struggled one last time against the demon’s claws, then looked up at the amused eyes of Beetlejuice before sharing a determined glance with her daughter. Addressing Lydia, she spoke. 

“We’ll be back for you.”

Suddenly, Barbara sank through the floor of the cave and Adam phased through the wall, both of them effectively getting away from the demons and Beetlejuice, who howled in rage. He commanded the demons to go after them, the one holding Lydia dropping her before phasing through the wall with the others, leaving Beetlejuice to seethe in his rage and Lydia to push herself to wonder where her parents had gone, and if they would make it back in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought of this one, I'd love to hear your thoughts!


	10. Never Pick a Fight with the Maitlands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for this all to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so tired, but it's finally done! I am so proud of myself for this! However, I'm also really sad it's over. 
> 
> Please, Please let me know what you think! My Tumblr is @untitled5071 if you want to reach me there!

Adam and Barbara floated inside of the ball of fire Barbara had created, hidden within one of the walls of the tunnel system and listening for any sound of approaching shadow demons. The two of them had decided that they needed to regroup, and although it pained them to leave Lydia behind, they knew that there was no way they could have saved her while those demons were still after them. They hadn’t doubted Beetlejuice’s power for a second, but that didn’t mean that they weren’t surprised that he had pretty much managed to outmatch them. 

So they huddled together in their protective ball of fire and tried to come up with a plan. 

Adam ran his hand through his hair and looked at his wife, whose brow was so furrowed in concentration he was surprised he could still see her eyes. He took a deep breath and attempted to collect himself. 

“Okay, so here’s what we know; we picked a fight with a demon who’s been around for a lot longer than us, he has our daughter as a hostage and she is slowly dying the longer she stays in the Neitherworld. Oh, and we’re being tailed by three shadow demons that are under the control of a murderous bio-exorcist. Anything I’m forgetting?”

Barbara looked up at him. 

“You’re forgetting the fact that those demons apparently have the ability to rip our very souls in half.”

Adam nodded glumly, clearly not very happy to be reminded of that. He didn’t want to admit that he was cared, but he wasn’t too eager to revisit the void again, which is what he feared would happen when he went into battle. 

However, he banished his fear once he remembered Lydia. She didn’t have much time left, and she needed them if she was going to stand a chance of living to see another day. Adam steeled himself; he was going to save his family goddamnit, even if it meant giving up his own afterlife. He looked to Barbara, his determination startling her a little bit, but warming her heart at the same time.

“So, what do we do?” 

Barbara looked up and gave a little smile before snapping her fingers. Instantly, the Maitland’s personal copy of The Handbook for the Recently Deceased appeared in front of her, and she grabbed it. A page was tabbed, and Barbara opened to that page and began to skim the passage. She looked up after a moment. 

“Do you remember the clock tower?”

Adam nodded, wondering where she was going with this. 

Barbara smiled and held the book out to Adam. pointing to the title of a passage. Adam adjusted his glasses, a small frown appearing on his face as he read.

“ _ Lair Etiquette and Prized Possession Rules?  _ What does that have to do with anything?”

Barbara smiled, as if she was waiting for Adam to ask that exact question. 

“Well Adam, what would you say is our lair? Our home base, our natural habitat?”

“The house, why?”

She smiled again.

“And what would you say is the thing we treasure most in the entire world? And if you say the model, you’re dead wrong.”

Adam didn’t even need to think.

“Lydia. Definitely Lydia.”

Barbara nodded, satisfied. 

“Well, the chapter says that if a ghost violates another ghost's lair without their permission, they are forced to follow the orders of the lair owner until they are set free. And if a ghost takes or disturbs another ghost’s most prized possession, then the other ghosts are allowed to violate the hospitality rules to get their possession back. Taking a Most Prized Possession is the worst thing a ghost could possibly do to another ghost. That’s why the clocktower ghost was able to freeze us like that; the clock tower was her lair and her peace was the thing she prized most. Beetlejuice went into our house without being summoned, and he took Lydia, which means…..”

She waited for Adam to catch on, which it didn’t take long for him to do. His jaw dropped slightly, and he looked at Barbara with wide eyes.

“Oh.”

Barbara nodded, the mischievous glint that Adam both admired and feared back in her eyes. 

“Also, did I mention that those shadow demons don’t like ghostly fire?”

It was Adam’s turn to smirk. Smiling, Barbara reached out and kissed Adam. 

“You ready to get back in there? We don’t have much time.”

Adam nodded and kissed her back. 

“Absolutely. We haven’t totally kicked his ass yet.”

After one last peck, Adam and Barbara disbanded the ball of fire that was keeping the shadow demons at bay and entered one of the tunnels again. 

As soon as they were in the open, the demons fixated on them and gave chase, with Adam and Barbara sprint-flying down the hallways and back to Beetlejuice’s lair, diving back through the dirt wall without hesitation with the demons hot on their heels. 

They were not greeted by the same view that they left.

Instead of the slightly-normal looking bio-exorcist, Beetlejuice had taken on a new demonic appearance. He had a large pair of leathery wings and talons, and was hovering a good thirty feet above the ground. His eyes were pools of sulfuric yellow, and he was grinning with a mouth full of yellow fangs. Next to him, Lydia was also floating in the air, but she seemed to be weakly struggling against invisible bonds. The air around her shimmered, Almost as if she were being trapped in a cage made of heat haze. She looked even sicker than they had left her, and the Maitlands thought the edges of her body looked a little fuzzy. 

They didn’t have any time to lose. 

Beetlejuice and Lydia noticed them at the same time, with Beetlejuice growling at their presence and Lydia opening her eyes slightly to look down at them. Even though she was fading, she was still incredibly grateful that they had come back for her. 

And even if they couldn’t save her, at least the last thing she saw would be them being a pair of ghostly badasses.

The shadow demons appeared behind Beetlejuice again, growling down at them. Beetlejuice did the same before lifting Lydia’s chin with a taloned finger.

“Aww, look Babes! Adam and Babs came back! How nice of them to keep their promise.”

His eyes seemed to grow brighter in his excitement to destroy them, which normally would have sent a bolt of fear through the Maitlands. 

Not this time.

Beetlejuice lowered slightly, coming closer to their level. The shadow demons followed, restless and anxious to tear the dead couple apart. 

“I guess it’s time for me to keep my promise, then. No more tagging out. You guys are trapped here now. But hey, look at it this way.”

He snarled, and the Maitlands could tell he was getting ready to strike. 

“At least you’ll all die as a family.”

And with that, he surged forward, the shadow demons following in his wake. They moved with incredible speed, talons and wings reaching forward so that they could tear the Maitlands limb from limb. 

Unfortunately for them, the Maitlands were faster. 

Before any of the demons could so much as roar, Barbara had summoned the same fire demon she had used in Salem, the hot pink flames leaping upwards and causing the demons to skitter back in alarm. Next to Adam, a dragon made of deep red fire also appeared, bearing its fangs and snarling. Even Beetlejuice himself faltered at this; he didn’t know that the Maitlands knew how to do that. 

No matter. He would just have to kill them himself. 

The two fire demons leapt into the air, chasing the shadow demons as they attempted to flee from the ghostly heat. Barbara and Adam followed suit, diving and zipping around the room in an attempt to confuse Beetlejuice and keep him from reaching them. 

The first shadow demon was killed by Barbara’s fire, the hot pink flames engulfing the shadow until it was no more than a plume of rancid smoke, its dying roar echoing throughout the cave. This greatly disheartened the other two demons, who put on new bursts of speed to try to escape their pursuers. Beetlejuice himself had been a little taken aback by the death of one of his demons, and for a moment he thought that perhaps he had underestimated the sweet country ghosts after all. 

But that didn’t stop him from remembering that he still had the upper hand. 

He raced after Barbara first, his demon wings adding to his ghostly speed. He managed to grab the hem of her dress, slowing her down considerably. She struggled, but he held on tight, using the fabric to pull himself closer to her. Barbara, having none of this, tore the bottom off of the dress herself and flew out of his reach. While Beetlejuice was still wondering where the rest of the dress had gone, Barbara summoned her sword and used it to cut off both of Beetlejuice’s wings in one swipe before driving it into his back. Beetlejuice screamed and fell, hitting the floor of his own cave with a thud. However, he was not down and out for long. 

Adam’s dragon had managed to snap its jaws around the second demon in the time it took for Barbara to take her swing. Adam was not one to be left out of the battle and seeing that Barbara could handle Beetlejuice on her own, decided he was going to help take down the last demon. Gesturing for both fire demons to chase the last shadow around the cave, Adam sunk through one of the walls and waited for his moment; a moment which came when the shadow ended up trapped in between the wall of the cave and the fiery jaws of its pursuers. The shadow prepared to put up a fight in its last moments, but was surprised when the two fire demons backed off. Which is why it wasn’t expecting to feel a tap on the shoulder before it turned around to see a grinning Adam Maitland, his whole body ablaze in red fire. 

“Boo.”

Adam then sent a flaming fist right through the demon’s chest before it could move, causing it to explode into smoke with a surprised cry. 

Satisfied, Adam brushed a little ash off of his shoulder and smiled, still on fire. He then decided to see if Barbara needed any help. 

Lydia was watching the whole battle from her restraints, feeling weaker by the second but doing her best to keep her eyes open so she could watch her parents beat the shit out of a demon in order to save her. 

It was heartwarming, in a way. 

Adam and Barbara hadn’t forgotten about her, but they were hoping that Beetlejuice had. 

No such luck. 

Upon seeing that his demon lackeys had been destroyed and after recovering from the blow Barbara had delivered to his body and his confidence, Beetlejuice felt a flash of fear for the first time since the battle had started. He watched as Barbara and Adam focused their attention on him, their respective demons hovering around them. For a second he felt like a caged animal.

But then he remembered he had the key. 

Snarling once again, Beetlejuice got to his feet. The Maitlands made a move towards him to detain him, but before they could touch him, he shot into the air and floated right next to Lydia. Manifesting a knife out of thin air, he held it to her throat as she gave a little cry of alarm. He called down to the Maitlands, who he noted with no small amount of satisfaction were frozen in place. 

“That’s right, take one more step and I’ll speed up the process. I wanted this to be long and painful for her, but I could just make this short and painful. I’m going to kill her first, make you watch, and then I’ll just summon more demons and we’ll all rip you apart. I’ve got you beat and you know it.”

He watched the faces of the Maitlands closely, wanting to see every little emotion that crossed over their faces. He was expecting fear, panic, desperation, anger, defeat, any manner of negative emotions. He was going to watch their faces as they realized that there was nothing they could do to save themselves or their daughter, and it was going to serve as the cathartic revenge he had been dreaming of since that damned sandworm ate him. 

Of all the emotions he had been expecting, he wasn’t expecting a smug confidence to over take Barbara’s features first, then Adam’s. He was even more taken aback with the cool tone in Adam’s voice when he addressed him. 

“No you won’t.”

Beetlejuice blinked once. His face contorted into a snarl, the knife getting closer to Lydia’s throat. Lydia herself was curious, but fading in and out of consciousness. Beetlejuice tightened the grip on his weapon and growled. 

_ “What?” _

It was Barbara’s turn to speak; she put her hands on her hips and affixed him with a stern stare. 

“No you won’t. You won’t lay a finger on her, Beetlejuice, or on us.In fact, you won’t be able to hurt anyone ever again.”

Beetlejuice’s eyes narrowed, and for a second he forgot all about Lydia and threatening her. His arm dropped slightly and he turned his full attention to the Maitlands. 

“What the everloving fuck are you talking about?”

Smiling, Barbara snapped her fingers. The Handbook appeared in front of her, and she opened to the tabbed page once more. Clearing her throat, she began to read. 

“A little thing called Chapter 3, Section 30; ‘Lair Etiquette and Prized Possession Rules’. Ever heard of those, Beetlejuice?”

The fact that his already-pale face lost even more color told her that he had. Smirking, she continued.

“You see, you violated our lair by coming into our house when you were not summoned. That in itself is a serious offense. But then you made things even worse for yourself when you kidnapped our daughter, who both of us consider to be our Most Prized possession. And, as I’m sure you know, that little stunt is the worst thing a ghost could possibly do to another. Which means…”

Beetlejuice’s eyes just had time to go wide before he dropped out of the air like a stone, completely immobilized and landing at an awkward angle. All he could do is look up at the Maitlands as they stood over him. 

Shit. 

His frozen eyes barely contained the sudden feeling of terror that ran through his immobile body. He was sure they didn’t know about that rule, he had been banking on the fact that they were just as stupid as he had left them. But that was his biggest mistake. 

You should never, ever, underestimate the Maitlands. 

Adam and Barbara smiled at each other, elated that their plan had actually worked. Beetlejuice was under their command now, and they could finally get rid of him for the last time. 

First things first, though. 

A moment after Beetlejuice had been immobilized, Lydia’s restraints had been broken and she fell, unconscious. She didn’t hit the floor though, as Adam’s fatherly instincts kicked in and he had caught her gently. Cradling her in his arms, he looked at Barbara before chanting,

“Home, Home, Home!”

And disappearing with their daughter. Barbara smirked down at Beetlejuice, stroking the head of Adam’s fire dragon while her demon snarled at his immobile form. 

“Guess whatever spell you had keeping us here doesn’t work anymore, does it?”

Barbara laughed out loud at the pained look on his face. Suddenly serious, she leaned down slightly. She growled, voice low and dangerous. 

“But be aware; if anything happened to Lydia I will personally see to it that you are torn into a million pieces and slowly fed to every sandworm on Saturn.”

She didn’t have time to threaten him anymore, as Adam appeared at that exact moment, stowing something away in his front pocket. Barbara turned to her husband. 

“How is she?”

Adam smiled and pecked Barbara on the cheek. 

“Just fine. She perked right up the second we were back home, We got to her just in time. I was there for a few hours; I left her by the fire with a cup of tea. She’ll be fully back to normal by the time we’re done here.”

He looked down at Beetlejuice.

“And she gave me a few suggestions for what to do with you.”

Barbara smiled and wrapped her arm around Adam’s waist, ignoring Beetlejuice’s look of panic. 

“And what are we going to do to him, honey?”

Adam tapped his chin, lost in thought.

“Well first of all, we are definitely going to strip him of all his powers, his status as a demon/bio-exorcist and his ability to be summoned via calling of the name or any other means.”

Barbara hummed in agreement. 

“That was a given. And where are we going to send him?”

Adam smirked.

“Hmm..how about the Lost Souls Room?”

Barbara shook her head. 

“No, there are too many people there. They don’t deserve to be around him. It would just be cruel to them.”

Adam thought again. 

“A hole in the ground?”

Barbara shook her head again. 

“Darling we’re already in one of those.”

Adam looked around. 

“Oh.”

Barbara shook her head fondly, then kissed him on the cheek. She looked down at Beetlejuice, and the immobilized demon had never felt more fear than he had when he saw the gleam in her eyes. 

“Adam, darling, do you remember the myth of Sisyphus?”

Adam nodded. 

“Of course. My dad used to threaten me with rolling a rock up a hill when I didn’t do my chores.”

Barbara chuckled. Beetlejuice gulped. 

“Well, I was thinking that we could give Beetlejuice here a little task. Maybe...oh, I don’t know...trying to outrun a hungry sandworm for eternity?”

If Beetlejuice had any motion control, his eyes would have already popped out of their sockets. Barbara continued, ignoring him. 

“I thought it would be perfect. We could make a nice little dimension, all for him, where the only inhabitants are him and a hungry sandworm that can never tire. Neither will Beetlejuice, but that just makes it more fun. And he can’t escape either, we’ve already taken his powers. We’ll make the sandworm just fast enough to always catch him, and always hungry enough to never leave him alone. It’ll be a nice homage in a way; it’ll remind him of the first time we kicked his ass as he’s stuck in the result of the second time we kicked his ass.”

If Beetlejuice could move, he would be crying. 

Adam turned to Barbara and kissed her, Barbara leaned into his touch. They broke apart and stared down at Beetlejuice, who was trying to wrap his head around the fact that the two stupid ghosts that he had been making fun of just a year or so prior had managed to be so maniacal. 

Adam and Barbara, happy as they were with their punishment for him, decided that it was time to wrap it up. They had a daughter to reunite with, after all. Barbara leaned forward a bit and addressed the former demon in front of her. 

“Beetlejuice, you are now stripped of your ghost powers, your summoning spell, everything. You are to be sent into your own Sisyphean nightmare for what you have done to my family. And you are never to interact with the Maitlands, Deetzes, or any other member of the living or the dead ever again. Are you ready to go?”

Beetlejuice tried to shake his head, but he obviously couldn’t move. Barbara raised her hand, about to deliver the banishing blow, when Adam stopped her. 

“Wait!” 

Barbara looked at him puzzled. Adam shook his head slightly. 

“Oh don’t worry, he’s still being banished.”

He reached into his pocket.

“I just have a little parting gift from Lydia.”

He opened his hand, where two silver wedding rings lay on his palm; the same that Beetlejuice had accidentally tossed into the living room when the first sandworm ate him. Apparently Lydia had been saving them so she could have Barbara and Adam feed them to a sandworm to finish the cycle. 

She had found a better use for them, however. 

Beetlejuice and Barbara watched as the two rings grew in size and duplicated, each pair of rings forming a long chain between them. Eventually, two pairs of shackles lay in Adam’s hands where the rings once were. Beetlejuice could only watch as Adam fixed them onto his hands and feet. Where the clamps immediately shrink to fit his wrists and ankles. Adam examined his handiwork.

“Well, you know what they say; marriage weighs you down.”

This earned him a gentle slap on the arm from Barbara, but she laughed all the same. She looked at her husband. 

“Are we ready now?”

Adam thought for a second, then snapped his fingers. 

“Oh! She did give me some parting words for him, too. In the wise, wise words of our daughter;”

Leaning down, he smirked in Beetlejuice's face.

“Bye, Beetle-Bitch.”

And with that, Beetlejuice disappeared into another dimension, never to be seen or heard from again. 

************

Barbara and Adam stood still for a second, then both shouted in triumph, jumping into the air and hugging each other tightly. Their fire demons roared happily with them before disappearing. They weren’t needed anymore. Adam and Barbara pulled apart briefly, only to reconnect once more with a kiss. When they pulled apart again, Barbara rested her forehead against Adam’s laughing breathlessly. 

“We did it, darling!”

Adam chuckled and kissed her nose.

“We certainly did. Now come on, Lydia’s waiting for us.”

He took a deep breath, ready to chant the words that would bring them home, but Barbara pressed a finger to his lips. 

“Allow me.”

She closed her eyes and concentrated for a moment, and when she opened them again, their familiar red front door stood in front of them. Adam ran over it before looking back at Barbara. She smiled. 

“Don’t worry, it’s the right one. Only fitting that we went back through a door.”

Adam chuckled and kissed her again. 

“Right as always.”

He took her hand, and the dead couple looked at each other, smiling. 

They pushed open the door together, and the two of them stepped through it, finally on their way home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, please comment and let me know what you think! I would love to hear from you!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed that! 
> 
> As always, please comment and let me know what you think!


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